snapshot of what I’ve been up to the past 2 years 🙃

helllooo friends! I have been completely MIA on here, and so today, I am going to update you on where I have been and what I have been up to the past 2 years 🙈. Yessss, 2 years!

Here are 10 updates of my life and from my heart from the past 2 years to catch y’all up, and from here, we can move forward together as I will update y’all with a blog post monthly with biblical truth and insight into what the Lord is speaking to me and what He’s placed on my heart for you! 💜

First of all, I’m sorry. I am sorry for neglecting this blog and neglecting you as a loyal reader. Let me say I am glad you are still here. Yes, STILL here, because it’s been since the glorious year of 2020 since I’ve written a blog post on here. Thank you for those loyal readers who are still here and thank you for the new readers who have joined in the last 2 years with no content to follow.

Second, I’m still writing. I am still here, I am still pursuing writing, in fact, I have still been writing on multiple platforms with multiple articles I’ve written over the past few years. I have neglected this personal blog, however. Stay tuned, because I will be sending out an email with my top articles published with other publications in the last 2 years.

Third, I moved across the country. In the past 2 years, we moved from Charlotte, North Carolina to Scottsdale, Arizona. And this leads me to my next blog post coming soon on “how to know when God speaks to you”, because I have never in my life heard God speak so clearly and loudly about moving to Arizona in the middle of a world pandemic. Stay tuned for this article.

Fourth, I fell in LOVE with ARIZONA! I will elaborate on this more in the article coming soon that I just mentioned. But I never expected to fall in love with Arizona because I resisted this move with every fiber inside me for almost 4 years until God’s voice about moving here became louder and louder to the point where I couldn’t ignore it. And now that I am here, I can say with all my heart, I absolutely love it! I love the people, the weather, yes, even the 115 degree weather, I love the desert, the hiking, the food, the cacti (my phone case had cactus on it as well as my day planner), the mountains, the neighborhood we live in and the friendships we have built. My husband and I have lived in 4 states in the past 6 years of being together, and Arizona is my absolute favorite place (with Texas being a close second).

I can’t believe that I almost forgo’d and missed out on so much happiness and blessing and favor from the Lord with our move here because I resisted it and almost didn’t move here. I have learned that the things I most often resist in life, are the things that God most likely is calling you to walk through. And the beauty of it is we don’t have to walk through it alone. God gave me a verse when He first started speaking to me about moving here, and that was “the Lord, He is the One who goes before you, He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8) And friends, God is faithful and kept to His promise. He paved the way for my husband and I to move to Arizona. He went before us and He was with us and is still with us every step of the way.

Fifth, I checked an item off my bucket list. I have 3 things on my bucket list that I wrote in my 20’s. 1. Have a baby 2. Travel to Europe. 3. Write a book. My husband spoiled me this past year as I checked an item off my bucket list. We went to Europe not just once, but twice. We explored France in August of last year, and Italy this past April. I have never been out of the country except to Mexico and Canada, but those don’t count haha. We went to Paris, and then drove through the wine countryside of France down to the French Riviera exploring Marseille, Nice, Cannes, Monaco and St. Tropez and it was a dream come true. In Italy, we stayed in Rome, traveled down to the Almafi coast visiting Positano, Capri, Sorrento, Florence, Venice, Lake Como, and Milan. Parts of me feels like I belong in Europe LOL, and I’ve been traying hard to convince my husband we are due for a third trip to Europe, so it might make sense for us to just buy a home there since we have yet to buy our first home haha. He looks at me and laughs, but everything inside me is serious 😉

Sixth, I teach and serve on the women’s ministry team at my church. The first time we ever visited Arizona back in 2019, we drove by a church called Scottsdale Bible Church, and I heard the Holy Spirit say to me “that’s your church”. This was long before I knew we were moving here, nor did I want to move here as I’ve mentioned, nor did I ever think we would actually be living here and nor did I think I’d be writing this blog post sitting with my laptop in Arizona. So, I quickly dismissed what I heard, and went about my visit here.

But when we eventually did move here, I remembered what I heard that day and reached out to the director of women’s ministry at Scottsdale Bible church on the drive across the country, and within a month of moving here, I was planted in their teacher’s program. Last Spring, they asked me if I had a message on my heart to teach. Each teaching is for one semester which is 12 weeks long with 12 weeks of material to be taught. I knew God had been working on a message on my heart for the previous few years, so I said YES. They asked me to teach it – and I committed every waking moment to it.

Not only did I teach it, but I wrote the entire Bible Study. I had to write the material for each week, create a power point to go along with the teaching, create a handout summarizing the teaching for notes for the attendees, create questions to be discussed after my teaching as the attendees broke out into small groups after each teaching to discuss. Not to mention, I had to fight the enemy who was coming for me and maneuver between his fiery darts each week trying to being me down. It was the most amazing hard experience I’ve walked through. There were around 50+ women who signed up for my class, and there have been friendships formed from this class to last a lifetime. This was the first class I ever taught, and the ladies in this class will forever hold a special place in my heart with opening their arms and support to me and trusting me to guide them closer to the Lord through Biblical application.

Seventh, I almost gave up on my calling. After I taught my class, I was on a high, but fell to a low shortly after. The week after my class ended, I spent an uninterrupted week with the Lord while my husband traveled for work as I spent the time praising Him for showing up week after week as I taught my class and reflecting on all the Lord did. During this week, I heard so clearly, I was to now turn that Bible Study I taught into a book and starting writing a book on it.

This is when the enemy creeped in and started chipping away day by day little by little bringing me to a complete place of defeat. The enemy was telling me I was an imposter whispering lies to me such as “who are you to write a book, you’re not qualified, you’re the last person on the planet that should be writing a whole book because you’re not even whole yourself…nobody is going to read your book and it’s going to be a joke” …the list of lies could go on for days and day by day I started believing these lies. I went to a place of total defeat and discouragement.

I kept writing for my freelance jobs, since they were after all jobs that I didn’t want to give up. But I neglected my personal blog, personal accounts, and my heart and passion for my calling diminished daily. Thanks to the encouragement of my hubby and God never giving up on me, I keep pushing through and have now come out the other side.

What I did learn during this time, however, is partial obedience is still disobedience. Delayed obedience is also still disobedience. I was not obeying the Lord knowingly after He told me to write my book. I noticed my prayer life and my clear hearing of the Lord’s voice was muffled. My disobedience was causing a rift between God and I and an unsettling feeling within me. God doesn’t hate disobedience because He is mad at us, He hates it because it keeps us from Him and keeps us from feeling at peace. Through it all, I learned in the end, the Lord takes me back with open arms with the simple act of turning my heart back to Him in true repentance. He wasn’t mad at me, He wasn’t about to abandon me, He was actually just waiting for me. And that leads me to my next point.

Eighth, I SORT OF checked another item off my bucket list. When I decided to dismantle each lie I had believed since my class I taught ended, I decided to re-commit my heart to the truth of God’s purpose for me. Within a week of me turning my heart back, I met with a very well-known international speaker, bestselling author, and book agent associated with a well-respected book agency. I wasn’t prepared for this meeting as I had emailed her one random day asking for her to meet as I know she is a local Arizonian. She responded right away and wanted to meet the next day.

I spent that entire night preparing as much of a book proposal as I could in the limited amount of time which is a proposal of all the details pertaining to a book idea. It’s quite detailed and lengthy. I showed up to the meeting with what I had, and that meeting was full of deep conversation, vulnerable stories, and tears being shed. But at the end of the meeting, with a huge smile on her face, she told me she wanted to SIGN WITH ME, and work with me as my book agent and get my book in front of publishers in hopes to get me a publishing deal one day. She believes in me and believes in my book idea. So, I have sort of checked off another item off my bucket list mentioned above and that’s to write a book.

Signing with a book agent and agency is one HUGE first step in this direction. I am about to be done with Chapter 1 this next week and I will do everything to guard my heart for the enemy’s discouragement. I know with full confidence that the enemy is threated and doesn’t want the message on my heart that the Lord has given me to get out to the world. But get ready – IT IS COMING!

Ninth, I joined a community of gals. A church community, a community I work out with, and a community of friends – both non-Christian and Christian. The term community is a cliché term, and I didn’t realize just how important community was until I had one here in Arizona. I wouldn’t consider myself an outgoing person unless I am already out haha. But prefer the comfort of my home, as my home is my sanctuary. I tend to handle things on my own, and don’t ask for help from other as I tend to be a homebody. But like I said, when I am out, I do love talking and can talk to just about anyone. My love for talking had in fact turned into my love for writing since I have a lot to say haha!

Since moving to Arizona, I was determined to create a true life here, and a lot of that life has involved around the community we have built here. My husband is also a homebody, and I could easily have no friends and just hang out with him 24/7 LOL I love love, and he’s truly my best friend and we have a lot of fun. But community is so important for so many reasons but remember earlier I talked about how I fell into a place of defeat? Part of the reason was because I isolated myself from sharing what I was really struggling with. While I was still socializing during that defeating season, I isolated myself from opening my heart to what I was really going through with anyone. One of my favorite author’s Lysa TerKeurst said it best, “if the enemy can isolate it, he can influence us. And his favorite entry point of all is through our disappointments.” We need community and friends to walk through life together.

I would encourage you to find those friends, and specifically Christian friends to walk through the hard things of life with that will always encourage you and point you back to Christ giving you Godly wisdom and not worldly folly. A wonderful book was recently released by Jeni Allen, called “Find Your People” that talks about building your community in a lonely world. Community is a true blessing and I’ve never been so involved in one and wish I would have started earlier in life with it.

Tenth and lastly, I turned 40. WHAT! I know, I don’t look it 😉 but really, I can’t believe I am 40. I don’t act like it, I certainly don’t feel it, and 40 always felt like the F (Forty) word and had a bad connotation to it. It always seemed so “old” to me. I always thought my parents were old and they were always 40 to me LOL. Now that I am here, I realize age really is just a #. I have friends from in their 20’s to friends in their 50’s. I am excited for what is ahead in this next decade and also extremely grateful for the life I have lived up until this point. I thought something magical was going to happen the morning I woke up on my 40th birthday (September 14th), but I felt exactly the same LOL. My husband says I get younger with age with regards to my immaturity at times and I’m ok with him saying that as I want to always be young at heart. Life is meant to be enjoyed and it’s all comes down to what kind of mindset we CHOOSE to focus on. So, here’s to 40!

These are the 10 updates for you – a snapshot of what has happened in the past 2 years, what I have been up to and where I have been. I can’t thank you enough for sticking around and for my many readers than have reminded loyal and even checked on me in the past 2 years. It lighted my spirit when my spirit was down. I truly love you and I’m excited to get back in touch with each and every one of you.

You can follow me on my social media accounts (with links on the side of this page) with fun pictures of these trips and everyday life and stories with me 😊

So, what’s ahead for me now?

I do want to say with regarding future plans, I have learned that I will never make a decision in my life again, without first seeking the Lord first and foremost. Afterall, He encourages us to do so in Matthew 6:33, saying, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Often times, I feel like we make all our plans and decisions for our life, and THEN we ask God to bless them and join along for the ride. Rather than FIRST seek Him and what HIS plans are for our life, and then add to it with our plans to help get us there. We tend to sprinkle God into our life, rather than sprinkle life into God’s ultimate purpose and plan for our life. Every decision, big or small that I have done in my own wisdom, in my own strength, and my own logic or feelings, tends to cause me more stress and more importantly adds a lack of peace to my life. Of course, God will call us to do things that are out of our comfort zone (like my move to Arizona), but He will always guide and lead us and always give us a peace that far “surpasses our understanding” (Philippians 4:6) of whatever it is He has asked us to do. I don’t get that same kind of peace when I walk my own path.

So, what’s ahead for this next year to end 2022, and start 2023 that I am prayerfully walking towards it?:

  • To start a family and try for kids – would love the prayers friends 😊 this would also knock my 1st bucket list item off my list. PS – I’m really praying for twins!
  • Finish my book (my second bucket list item 😊).
  • Buy our first house for our hopefully-prayerfully- God-willing-soon-to-be-growing–family with future kiddos on the way.

Thank you all again for following my journey and this blog and I can’t WAIT to catch up with y’all! Next blog post coming soon: “How to know when God speaks to you”.

XO,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley6 Comments

the lies 2019 taught me

I love looking back on a year and rather than look at how awful (or great) a year was, I look back to reflect on how much I grew and what were the life takeaways.

2019 transformed me in more ways that I could have ever imagined.

In all my 30-something years on this earth, 2019 (next to 2013 when my older brother passed away) was the most difficult year I experienced. AND the craziest part is it had nothing to do with anything outside of me. Thank you, Lord, for a year of good health, no death, no broken friendships, no financial losses, no betrayal, divorce, or major things most of us equate to a bad year.

No, none of these things.

What made this year now my second hardest year of my life was the transformation done INSIDE me, not what was occurring outside of me. But sometimes the internal battles can far outweigh what’s going on around us.

THIS WAS A YEAR OF BATTLE WITHIN MYSELF.

In 2019, Satan tried to flex his power. He showed up. God’s called me to something big, I know that. Just as He has called you as followers of Him to something big. He says in his Word “many are called, but few are chosen.” (Matthew 22:14) What does this mean? Some of us get trampled on by Satan and never step into our GREATEST calling or we try to do it all yourself which is a tactic of the enemy. Just as Saul did in the old testament. Saul was called to be king. King over all of Israel and rather than wait on the instruction of the Lord, he tried to do it himself. (1 Samuel 13:1-15) He therefore was overlooked as future king, and that’s when David took his place on the throne.

I don’t want to be overlooked for my major role in this life – my calling.

Sometimes God allows Satan and his army in our lives just as he did in Job’s story in the Bible. God actually “gave permission” (Job 1:12) to Satan to have his chance with Job. He allows things to happen to us to grow us. To strengthen us. To make us stronger than ever before preparing us for something bigger.

In the battle against the enemy, the key is to get stronger and to grow your faith muscle. Not to let the enemy take you out entirely. And for many of us, going through hardships end up discouraging us and taking us out before we ever had the chance to step into our calling. James 1:2-4 encourages us saying “when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”

In order for me to step into something bigger, I needed to go to battle and fight off things from my life that have been hindering me. To RELEASE them from my life. It was torturous. It felt at times very defeating. It felt like my whole world was taking a step back from all that I knew to be my comfort. But sometimes you must take a step back in order to plummet you that much further forward.

THIS WAS THE YEAR I FOUGHT THE LIES HOLDING ME BACK.

Lies from the enemy that I wasn’t good enough. Lies of the unknown. Lies that every time my husband would walk out the door and travel for work, that he might leave for something better and never come back and abandon me. Lies that I needed status clout from others in order to feel loved and purposeful. Lies that in order for my life to be satisfied and complete, I needed things to look a certain way. Lies that I should just go back to the way things were and forgo my calling because the way things were, were safe and known. Lies that just because other gals have found what I deemed as success, that there was no room for me at the table. Lies that I had nothing to offer.

These lies affected every area of my life.

In recent years, I left my career as a VP finance boss-babe to pursue God’s calling on my life to write and speak to women. A calling I felt on my heart from the time I was young. I’m blessed to have a husband who provides for me financially and supports my dreams and is consistently inspiring me and encouraging me to live them out.

My husband knows what I’m capable of and has believed in me from day 1.

However, Satan knows what I’m capable of too.

Therefore, he was active with distracting me, discouraging me and ultimately attempting to destroy me. He knows that once God’s power takes over me, that I can leave him trembling in fear and damage his plan for destruction. He knows the impact I can have on women and some women are just waiting to hear from me. The enemy knows that I am the kind of woman that when my feet hit the floor each morning, it will leave him saying “oh no, she’s up.”

Because of the calling on my life, the enemy tried taking me out this past year. And as I drew closer to God, Satan drew closer to me too.

This was a year of RELEASE.

But day by day, the more time I spent with God and in the truth of His word, the more confidence and wisdom I gained. Instead of believing the lies and having them dictate my actions, I began replacing those lies with the truth. I began filtering everything that came my way through the filter of truth not the filter of my hurt. And as I began replacing those lies, I began to experience more freedom.

What happens when you become free, is you become everything God has called you to be for Him.

Remember – Satan is already defeated. He is a defeated foe. When all is said and done, and our short life here on earth is over, Satan loses. Not us. This is why Jesus died on the cross for us. To give us the option of salvation. When God comes back one day to grab His followers, Satan will spend eternity in hell. But his mission while he is still roaming this earth is to “kill, steal, and destroy us”. (John 10:10)

He tried to destroy my dreams, my well-being, my relationships, my self-worth, and most importantly my trust in God. He will try every tactic to get me away from the Lord where he knows that with the Lord’s strength in my corner, I will have the most power and can make the most impact.

Do you know you have POWER and authority to break ANYTHING from your life?

Friends – God gave us authority and power to overcome ANY stronghold, anything holding us back. To break them, to master them, and walk in true freedom and victory. He promises us this in Luke 10:19 – “I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you.”

This year was the most challenging yet most defining. Most painful, yet most overcoming. Most defeating, yet most victorious. Satan is still out there to destroy me, but the wisdom the Lord has bestowed on me – I strive to apply to my life daily. Make no mistake, some days I still lose, but thankfully, God’s “mercies are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:23) and we have the power and authority at our disposal whenever we choose to fight in any battle.

OUR GREATEST WEAPON IS THE BIBLE. BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

All the lies that consumed me this year, dictating my actions or reactions, controlled me, and stole so many things from me was because I didn’t know how to fight the lies. But now I do. The only way to fight lies is with TRUTH. The very first temptation in history started with Adam and Eve. And do you know what caused the fall of man and sin to enter our world? A lie. A lie from the serpent, Satan himself.

What lies are you telling yourself? What are you believing from your past? What strongholds do you have that are binding you up “choking out the life of God in you?” (Matthew 13:22)

Let this be a year of RELEASE ladies. Trust me, there is freedom on the other side.

Many of us have been trying to go to the next level and trying to do the next thing, but we are tied down to things the enemy has strategically placed in your way to prevent you from taking off. Things that have grounded us to the ground. But God is trying to launch you higher. Those habits, lies, beliefs, insecurities, fears, unforgiveness, scars from your past…they are holding you back from where God is trying to take you.

God isn’t just calling us to fly up in the air and go from one place to the next place. He is calling us to launch us into a whole new atmosphere.

So, it’s time to release what’s holding you back. It might be painful as you face it, but I encourage you to go THROUGH it, not around it, not ignore it, nor try to manipulate it. Rather go through the pain of releasing what is holding you back. Why did Jesus spread mud all over the blind man’s eyes in order to heal his eyes? (John 9:1-12) His healing was MESSY (literally), just as mine was. Don’t let the method or pain of release prevent you from the miracle and freedom of release.

A year ago, today, I would never have believed the freedom that I feel in this moment. But I had to go to battle. I received some battle wounds and bruises along the way, but came out stronger. Girl, you’ve got this. Don’t let the enemy trip you and rip you to shreds any longer. You’re beautiful. You’re brave. You’re a chosen soldier in this horrific battle with a glorious ending.

XO,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley9 Comments

one of the best gifts I ever received

I recently celebrated my birthday. And it was on my birthday years ago, that I was given one of the best gifts I have ever received. The gift was a Bible. The only other gift that compares is my beautiful custom-made rose gold diamond wedding ring. I still admire it daily as I’m proud to wear the title of a wifey and proud of my hunk of a husband. My ring is my symbol to show my daily choice in choosing him. I cherish these two items more than any other. If my home was on fire, these would be the two things I would grab on the way out.

I received this Bible from my brother for my 30th birthday. Little did I know that that would be my last birthday with him as he passed away the following year from cancer. I can’t give all the credit to my brother for buying this Bible for me as his wife was most likely the gift buyer haha just as I am in my household. But I will never forget what my brother said after I opened the gift. He said “the Bible isn’t something to just look at, it has power when put to use, so promise me you’ll use it?”  I hesitated, nodded with confusion, and then promised him I’d put it to use.

Power? A book of 66 chapters of stories that I’ve heard countless times in Sunday school is supposed to be full of power. Adam and Eve, Noah and the Ark, Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath. This book of stories has power? It wouldn’t be for a couple years before I fulfilled my promise to my brother.

I was no stranger to the Bible. I’ve read it many times. I know a lot of Scripture from having to memorize it as I attended a private Christian school most of my life and it was required of me. Most of the Scripture had a few good takeaways and values I could add to my life, but I also didn’t understand a lot of it so I’d just skip over many of the passages. Where was this power that my brother was talking about? To me, the Bible was more of a history book with good stories we could all learn a little something from.

Over the next few years, I began to really dive into this ‘book of power’, and what I discovered was that the words started to jump off the pages and sink into my heart. I spent time trying to understand the passages that I seemingly passed over years before. It began to change my heart, change my mind and change my perspective. The Bible became my everyday guide to my everyday life, my everyday path, and my everyday steps.

The Bible was no longer a storybook or a history lesson with the occasional nuggets of wisdom. It now became my everyday book full of limitless power.

Allow me to highlight some of the continual and influential power the Bible has revealed to me and radically inspired in my life:

The Bible guides me: Just like when you are in a dark theater room, and you are looking for your seat and there are little foot lights to guide you to each row to eventually find your seat. God has provided footlights for your life in the Bible to guide us as we walk and to keep us from falling and tripping in this dark world. But just as this world is ever changing, we don’t just read the Bible once, and then boom, we have all the light and guidance we need for life. Even the light you received yesterday, is not enough light to guide you through today. That is why we need to read the Bible DAILY for daily light and daily guidance. Psalm 119:10 says “The Word (the Bible) is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path”.

The Bible gives comfort: I can call my family and girlfriends to encourage me and uplift me. My husband is my best friend and would do anything for me. But when you still feel hopeless and all the wisdom given to you just isn’t enough, God’s Word will shed light on your situation and bring you comfort that no human being can. It will give you a kingdom perspective versus the worldly perspective we live in. The Bible will burn hopelessness out of your life and give you a “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). God’s word promises comfort as Jesus says “come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”. (Matthew 11:28)

The Bible is our greatest weapon: The Word of God is Truth. We live in a world full of lies. Whether its lies others tell you, or lies that you tell yourself. Lies keep us from living in freedom and keep us from pursuing our dreams using our God-given talents. They hurt ourselves and often hurt our loved ones. Do you know where those lies come from? The devil himself. In fact, “there is no truth in him…for he is a liar, and the father of lies”. (John 8:44)  And the only way to defend against the lies, is to know and combat them with the truth. God left us with the greatest offensive weapon of all to tackle the lies that keep you hostage in this life. That weapon is the Bible. For the Bible is the opposite of lies and is the “Truth.” (Psalm 33:4, 119: 142, 160) Knowing God’s word (aka the truth) in our mind, in our heart, and speaking it out of our lips will defeat the lies being thrown at us everyday.

I now hunger for God’s Word like food. I thirst for it like water. I soak in it. I lose myself in it. I put it on like it’s my favorite accessory. And I weave it into my soul so that it becomes part of the fabric in my life. I’ve seen it change my life, my marriage, and my perspective with everything I face in front of me for the day. It is wise, it is a counselor, it is satisfying. I strive to “meditate on it day and night” just as Joshua 1:8 encourages us to do so.

Along with my brother, Martin Luther experienced the power of the Word that later led him to write “The Bible is alive, it speaks to me, it has feet, it runs after me, it has hands, and it lays hold on me.”

Remember, when you are holding the Bible, you are holding the actual Word of God in your hands. It is a precious treasure that we all have access to. I challenge you to just dive in. And if it doesn’t make sense, keep on diving in. God will speak directly to you as he promises that “if you seek me, you will find me when you search for me with all your heart”. (Jeremiah 29:13) Seek Him in His Word and as He promises – you will FIND him. God’s purpose isn’t that we just get into His Word, but that His Word gets into us. That the words that are printed on the pages of His Word would become permanently written on our hearts. Go after it girl!

Alisha Headley6 Comments

the perks of being single

Yes, you read the title correctly. I am writing about the PERKS of being single. All the benefits and joys of living that single life. This picture above was taken the weekend my husband and I officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. It was three years ago on 4th of July weekend. The title boyfriend and girlfriend lasted all of 94 days before he proposed to me and became my fiancé. But It was the last weekend we were both “single”.

Let me start of by saying that I love my husband and I love being married. I am so grateful I found my teammate who always has my back. And as cliché as it sounds, it came when I least expected it. I am grateful that I get to have a sleepover with my best friend every night. I am grateful that I have someone that asks how my day is and that I get to share all my crazy ideas and dreams with. I’m grateful that I get to build a life with someone and not to mention that someone is a good looking fella that I get to look at daily. There are many perks of being married as I just listed a few.

But what about that single life leading up to dating?

When I was single, every book on the shelf about this topic was all one-in-the-same. There were countless books on how to get over an ex, or how to get that perfect guy. One classic book that was passed through the hands of most of my girlfriends was “why men marry bitches” by Sherry Argov. The book talks about how being extra nice doesn’t necessarily mean the guy you are with will be more devoted. The book teaches you how being a “bitch” will  get a guy to propose to you. That was just many of the books that I came across teaching you to be a certain way in order to land a guy. Oddly enough, my husband said one of the things he was looking for in a future wife was a gal that was sweet as he said those are hard to come by. Sweet AKA nice AKA not mean/bitchy like that book describes. Although I read that book along with countless other women, my husband ended up choosing me for the complete opposite. I know all men are different and to each their own, but there are so many books and advice out there on how to either win the next guy in the future or how to overcome a breakup from the past.

But where was all the advice on just being in the present moment of being single? And why does all the advice need to focus on what you had or what you don’t have yet?

For all my single ladies out there, what would life look like if you EMBRACED being single? Rather than feel left out, lonely, or behind all your friends who are engaged and getting married?

Every journey is different. But one thing I did when I was single was I viewed my single years as a once-in- a-lifetime experience. Trust me, a wedding is a once in a lifetime experience too and I loved every detail about my wedding. But if your goal is to be married for the rest of your life, then that means you only have this small window to be single. So why wouldn’t you EMBRACE it to the fullest?

What does that look like? Lets discuss both practically and Biblically speaking.

It’s going to look different for everyone, but for me, one of the many most basic perks was I only had myself to focus on. A relationship or marriage takes a lot of selfless action. Being single, it’s all about one person…me. I could eat whatever I wanted for dinner without asking what the other person wanted. I could go on vacations wherever and spend all the time in the world with my girlfriends and family because I had nowhere else to be. No one else’s feelings and desires to worry about. I could work on any venture and in any career not worrying about how it would affect another person or a family at home. I could spend all my money on clothes, and I did just that. All of it! Ha, oops. I could move to any state I wanted to without caring about anyone else’s feelings, and I did just that. I truly focused on ME, and not what anyone else was doing. And that time was priceless.

Remember, one can still be happy, and a husband is not a prerequisite to that. My husband compliments my life in ways I didn’t know possible, and I wouldn’t trade him, nor our love story for anything in the world. But he (and all husbands) are not the key that makes one happy.

If you are in a season of not loving the single life, I encourage you to rethink the way you are looking at being single. Being single is a season one should embrace as it’s a season you are able to live “without distraction” as stated in 1 Corinthians 7:35. Earlier in the chapter, it highlights that “the unmarried woman cares about things of the Lord and her aim is to be holy in her body and her spirit…but a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities caring about the things of the world –  and how she may please her husband.” I still have a beautiful relationship with God, but now I have a family (my hubby and pup) that need my attention and dedication as well. Being single, your sole focus is God and living for Him and Him only.

For most of us, this is the ONE time you can live a life solely for God and yourself without any distractions. Be encouraged that it’s not permanent. Thank God for this season as it’s a gift with no distraction. So make the most of it for as long as you have it.  Ask God what it is He wants to do with you during your season of singleness. Create a list of all the things you want in a husband and then hand it over to God. “Keep your eyes fixed on God” (Hebrews 12:2) until the day you meet your husband. And don’t forget to pray for your future husband as God hears every prayer. 1 John 5:14 says “ Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us”.

In addition, focus on what makes you happy, learn new things, try new passions, spend time doing the things that make you happy and make you ‘you’. There are the times to be selfish with your time and energy. Focus your time on what makes you happy in this present moment because until you can experience happiness by yourself, how can you experience it with another person?

Both being single and married has it perks. Both challenge you. Both strengthen you. Both discipline you. Both grow you. Both teach you. And both change you. Being single and being married do all of that. However, the one perk of being single that sets this time apart, is it’s typically just a short season in the grand scheme of life. So embrace it TODAY. You have a forever fairy tale for the rest of your life ahead of you, but only this moment in your life to be single. EMBRACE it to the fullest.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley5 Comments