letting go of what was

I’m sure you’ve all heard the word FOMO (The Fear of Missing Out). According to the Urban Dictionary, it’s defined as the ‘fear that if you miss a certain event, you’ll be missing out on something great.’

I’m sure we have all experienced FOMO at times by simply scrolling through our social media and seeing others doing amazing things such as traveling, shopping, or simply getting out of the house with friends. Meanwhile, you could be at home with your kiddos cleaning after them not even having enough time to take a shower. I’m not a mom yet. However, to all my mamas out there, I give you MAD RESPECT.

For myself, I never knew this idea of FOMO to be a real thing until I experienced it two years ago.

Two years ago, I made the decision (along with the support of my husband), to leave my corporate career to be a full time retired stay at home wifey and to pursue my writing passions. I made up that long title and constantly add titles to myself. Why? Because I can haha. From CEO of our family…to the brand ambassador and event coordinator of our social life…these are just a few of my titles and they are constantly changing.  In addition to making that decision to be a full time stay at home wifey, I planned to pursue my writing passions and creative side. I’ve always had a heart to work with women and I really felt God calling me to close the chapter in the corporate world and so I did. I was ready…but I had NO idea the emotions that would come up for me during this time.

Prior to turning into a full time stay at home wifey, I had my dream job as Vice President for an investment firm out of New York City. I worked hard to land it and it was everything I wanted. My identity was not found in my career, but it was my life as I was able to mix business and pleasure often. I traveled, I visited my girlfriends all over the country, experienced all kinds of events, and the best part was I worked from home so I could work remote from the beach, or work at any coffee shop in any state I felt like being in. I made my own schedule and I truly loved what I did.

I made the decision on my own to walk away and start a new chapter, yet FOMO kept creeping in as I would see my husband travel and work in the same financial field I once worked in. From day 1, I have supported my husband and I truly feel he is one of THE BEST there is in this financial services industry for so many reasons. I feel blessed to have the best seat in the house watching him thrive. Yet, I often found myself feeling left out. It was not due to his success as we are a team and he has always treated me that way. Rather, I felt left out of attending events that I once used to. Left out when he had major wins on a daily basis meanwhile I had no wins except that I did the laundry and ran errands for us that day. Left out that he worked with other successful people where I felt like I had nothing to measure my success to anymore. No rewards, no big deals I just signed, no monetary earnings…nothing.

I realized all these thoughts were because I struggled with a serious feeling and fear that I was missing out. Here I was given an opportunity to pursue any passion I wanted, yet I felt left out of the party, ostracized from of all the events. I felt extremely unsettled I wasn’t a part of it anymore. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be and made the decision to follow that, yet felt so much discontent and wasn’t sure how to let go.

I believe there is a time and place for sitting still. God reminds us in Psalm 46:10 to “be still, and know that I am God”. Be still means ‘to sink’ or ‘to relax’. The past two years I have wanted to pursue numerous passions, but it was my time to be still and pursue God. I had many emotional ups and downs, but in the end, I was sinking into God’s abounding love, and relaxing into His peace and purpose for my life.

God met me in my still moments each and every day for the past two years. I have sought after God more than ever before, and as promised, “seek me , and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13) I encourage you to seek God and if you feel lost, keep on seeking. Although the past two years, I have felt I had no purpose and felt very lost at times, my purpose was to not only be a new wifey…but to BE STILL. And that I was. And through out it all, the highs and the lows, I was not alone. God never “left me nor forsaked me”. (Hebrews 13:5). God put purpose on my heart during those still moments, and was preparing me in those still times.

I have had one foot planted in my past career and one foot planted in my future endeavor. Obviously, I wasn’t fully ready or prepared to let go. I was firmly holding onto my past friendships within that career and the security it provided. Furthermore, I was clinging onto my past achievements I had acquired over the years.  How was I supposed to step out of that comfort  zone and jump into the completely UNKNOWN with two feet? No thank you. I’ll continue to sit with one foot in the past and one foot in the ‘hope’ or idea of the new. This is my safe zone. Ok, thanks…byyyye. Ha! Well, too bad I have a God that keeps nudging me and no matter how many excuses I use, God then placed a husband in my life who keeps challenging and encouraging me by telling me that the world is waiting to hear from me. Reminding me that I have a gift that is dormant and going unused.

I love the saying ‘let go, and let God’. Let go of what was, and let God work in what is. My sitting still was the best thing I could have done for this season the past two years to grow and to truly let go. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” I knew I had to grow my faith in God in this sitting still season before I could get going on the calling He has for me. I feel more equipped for what’s ahead and I’m ready to let go.

What if when I let go of what I once WAS, it’s then that I can become what I MIGHT be? Perhaps, it’s the letting go and giving God the freedom, room, and uninhibited space to work, that we truly walk into our calling.

So here’s to LETTING GO. Letting go and opening up space to LET GOD be GOD and moving out of the way. And now, it’s time to jump in with BOTH feet and GET GOING. God promises in Matthew 7:24-27 that “anyone who listens and follows me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against the house, it won’t collapse because it is founded on a rock. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against the house, it will collapse like a mighty crash”.

It’s been two years ago this month that I left my career. Two years ago this month I left all that I had worked hard for, and all that I knew in my adult life. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to put my writing out there to the world as my next chapter. But I know that I know that I KNOWthat God has been calling me to write and work with women. It’s time I place BOTH feet firmly positioned on a solid foundation. And build my house on the solid rock of God, that will not be shaken. It’s time I be obedient to my calling. And who better, who greater, who more secure than building my next chapter on God – “my rock, and my shield…Psalm 18:2.

I love what Bob Goff writes in his latest book “Everybody Always” saying that “God continues to rewrite our lives…in beautiful and unexpected ways, knowing that the next version of us will usually be better than the previous one. “ 

I’m not sure what you are holding onto. Perhaps it’s a past relationship. A grudge. A past career. Or perhaps you have experiencing the fear of missing out. Perhaps all your friends around you are getting engaged or having babies and you feel left in the dust. You could be overwhelmed with fear, that it’s preventing you from stepping into the next chapter or dream that you feel God is calling you to. Or you’re holding onto the ‘idea’ of what was or how things are supposed to be. Perhaps as you read this, you can take this as your personal nudge that you need to take the next step of letting go, letting God be God and get out of the way, and get going.

With two feet in, I ask that you join me on this journey as I join you on yours. You got this girl.

umm, can someone tell me the plan please?

Ok ok. I am familiar with the infamous scripture. Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” It is probably the first verse I ever memorized. Most people even know it by heart. I am not at all discounting that beautiful promise the Lord said to His people who were held captive for 70 years. That same promise is given to us today as well.

While being held captive for 70 years sounds like no fun, you and I experience seasons of ‘longsuffering’ in our lives as well. I’ve walked many ‘longsuffering’ seasons in my life. And when I say the word “season”, our gracious God promises us just that. It’s just a SEASON. THANKFULLY!

Psalm 40 encourages us to keep the faith by waiting on the Lord and to persevere through times of trial and longsuffering as it says…

”I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, A hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord, and put their trust in Him.”

I cherish my longsuffering seasons. During these seasons, I have never drawn closer to the Lord. Seeking him with ALL that I am. I have experienced God’s love around me at all times like I’ve never experienced before. He speaks to me daily through his Word and I am so grateful to have Him right here with me. BUT I often find myself wanting to still know the PLAN. What’s going to happen? What’s the outcome? I’m fine with walking through long seasons and being stuck in the messy mud from time to time, but I want to know that ALL WILL BE FINE. That life will go back to normal. And normal according to MY normal.

But what if God has a bigger plan? A plan that is totally and completely opposite of our plan?

Our AMAZING God has promised us (in the scripture listed above) that he WILL lift us out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, and put us on a rock…a SOLID rock. A FIRM rock. And that he will put a new song in our mouth. Instead of crying out in tears and disappointment and pain, we WILL be crying out a new song of praise and excitement.

Lysa Terkeurst says in her new book entitled ‘It’s not supposed to be this way’:

“We don’t have to know the plan to trust there is a plan. We don’t have to feel good to trust there is good coming. We don’t have to see evidence of changes to trust that it won’t always be this hard.”

Ladies, this IS OUR PROMISE. “…after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, establish, and settle you on a firm foundation…” (1 Peter 5:10) We WILL be lifted out of our situation and we are promised to stand FIRM once again.

So how do we just let go of the plan?

This takes total and complete surrender, trust, and faith in the Lord. It’s one thing to say you trust the Lord and to have faith that the Lord will ‘fix’ things in due time.

But what exactly is total and complete surrender?

To live a surrendered life, a person must be willing to not only give up and surrender their sin, but also to surrender your whole idea of how things are supposed to end up.

And when I say sin, of COURSE, we will still sin daily as we will always fall short in our flesh. This is why DAILY surrender is a necessity to stay close with the Lord. And sometimes, it’s not just day to day surrender, but an hour to hour surrender.

I’m referring to the habitual sin, or the sin that is hidden that you may think is not harmful as it’s not affecting anyone. It could be white lies that don’t seem like a big deal. It could be the hidden addiction to reality tv, social media, shopping, eating…something that is so hidden that no one really knows about. Or it could be deceiving your boss. Or the sin of idolizing your work, friendships, church, or marriage by prioritizing them before God making them an idol. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong. It’s pushing you farther and farther away from God’s beautiful blessings.

A lot of us don’t think we live “sinful” lives because the sin seems so minor. When in reality, it’s the small or minor and hidden sin that pile up and pile up that can lead to devastation. This habitual sin is chipping away at you day by day, pulling you farther and farther away from the Lord. God can’t enter in FULLY when sin is blocking him to enter in, to take over, and to bless you in ways that you may have never experienced before.

“Its your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore” (Isaiah 59:2)

OUCH.

And it’s not because God is cruel. No no sister, it’s quite the opposite. He loves you so much that He wants you to live in freedom and habitual sin is an internal prison that can entangle you and hinder you from living out God’s best plan for you. How can you run the race with loads of sin on your back? Talk about being held back. Hebrews 12:1 says “let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles…so that we can run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Remember, sin is not just the 10 commandments. It’s anything that is hindering you from a real relationship with the Lord which in turns hinders all the blessings he so wants to freely give to you if you surrender it ALL.  Don’t let Satan and his army fool you. A small sin or a hidden sin in your eyes that no one else can see, can still turn into massive destruction. “for the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23)

Sin will eventually lead to death…to total destruction and devastation. Most of us wear many hats with many roles attached to them. I am a wifey, a dog mama, writer, CEO of our house, fashionista, master budgeter, event planner, owner of all laundry and dishes, blogger, chef, designer…just to name a few.

Well, let me tell you something ladies…

Satan has ONE job. To kill, steal, and destroy YOU. (John 10:10) To destroy your life, your confidence, your marriage, your relationships. He roams this earth like a “roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8)

Rid yourself of sin (large, small, and hidden) before it leads to a life of destruction and separates you from God, missing out on a life FULL of beautiful promises and blessings.

Not only do we need to give up sin in order to surrender all, but we also must surrender the way we look at things and our expectation of the way we think things should go. It is about surrendering your whole SELF, and seeing things the way God sees them. Knowing that no matter the outcome, he has a greater good plan ahead. He loves us and Romans 8:28 tells us…”we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”.

So while yes, you may feel anxious during this longsuffering you’re facing. You’ve felt alone. You’ve felt sad. You’ve cried. You’ve questioned. Your heart is deeply hurt and saddened. Surrendering it all to our God above will give you a quiet peace, contentment, and confidence that only God can provide. No other source can provide such peace. God will work out whatever you are going through for the GOOD. Remember – He WILL pull you out of this. Allow Him to meet you in the messy mud, and pull you out of the pit by surrendering it all. Day by day. Hour by hour.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

the mind is a powerful thing

Why do I journal?

Simply put, I can’t stop thinking (mostly crazy thoughts) and I love to talk. Therefore, I need to transfer my thoughts somewhere so I don’t unleash them onto my poor husband. HA! No, but really. I’m pretty sure that he has spoken more words to me in the past 3 years of being together, than he has in the previous 30 years combined. Uhhh, sorry not sorry? This is one of the many reasons I carve out time every day to journal.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love to talk (as my husband and friends can attest). Long ago, my love for talking evolved into writing. I have journals that spill out prayers full of desires, heartache, struggles, wins, relationships, and praise from the time I was a little girl. Journaling has helped clear my mind and serves as a canvas to which we I can vent my thoughts.

What can I say? I have SO many thoughts and ideas running through my mind at once. Sometimes, I feel like superwoman. I can be doing 3-5 tasks all while thinking about another 25 tasks…ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Incredible, right? Not if you have no control over those thoughts. Or a place to unleash them.

I once read that the average person thinks a minimum of 50,000 thoughts per day. That’s 2100 different thoughts an hour. That’s crazy. And as most ladies know, one can snowball into another thought, which leads to another. Unfortunately, if they’re negative, it’s just a downward spiral from there. My husband tells me he wishes he could visit the world I create in my mind because it’s so far from reality. Sometimes it sounds like an exciting world he would like to visit compared to the real world we live in. LOL he’s right. We often fabricate the world sometimes compared to what is really happening. And it’s more true with negative thoughts. We think things are worse than they really are, and that leads to the next negative thought which makes it even worse. For the average person, 80% of our thoughts in a given day are in fact, NEGATIVE (according to a recent study done by Cleveland Clinic Wellness).

So how does one control their thoughts?

And thus, here is the problem ladies: A simple THOUGHT (true or not) can lead to a FEELING and that feeling can lead to ACTION. That action can lead to RESULTS that can negatively affect you.  

Scripture says: “Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)

In other words, the first step to controlling your thoughts is to take it captive. Take control of IT, before IT takes control of you and takes you spinning out of control. Gals, you know what I’m talking about. This is easier said than done, I know! But we have to the power to do this because we are bigger than the enemy (Satan) who whispers these negative thoughts to us.

Please hear this ladies – those whispers you hear are from the devil himself – and those whispers are LIES. John 8:44 says Satan “was a murder from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is not truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. “

The first person in the Bible who was tempted was none other than Eve herself. And do you know HOW she was tempted which ultimately led to the downfall of the world we live in today? She was tempted with a LIE from Satan questioning the TRUTH that God told her which was to “not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for if you do, you will surely die” (Genesis 2:17). Satan whispered a lie to Eve asking Eve “Did God REALLY say that to you?” (Genesis 3:1) A simple LIE that contradicted the TRUTH God told Eve. It started with a thought Satan placed in Eve’s mind…that led to a feeling that she was missing out on eating from the tree of life…that led to an action of her disobeying God and the result was it forever changed the perfect world God designed before her.

Sometimes it’s harder to see the thought we are being told. Sometimes it’s disguised. And it can come from anywhere. Satan met Eve in the Garden of Eden in the form of a serpent. Scripture states that Satan can “transform himself into an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14) Satan can appear and whisper to us in many forms entering our minds ALL DAY LONG through many different avenues as well. This can happen through other people, tv, social media, or in the very own isolation in the comfort of our own homes. All the more reason, we need to control our thoughts. We’re being told lies and negativity all day every day. If we don’t control our thoughts, they will lead to feelings which lead to action…and…well…you know how this goes…

Romans 12:2 says that we should not be “conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.

How do we do that? We need to ask ourselves one question every time a thought comes into our mind.

Is it TRUE OR is it a LIE?

And if you don’t know the answer to that, turn to the Bible. Sharon Jaynes says in her book “Enough” that “when it comes to the devil, you don’t have to outmuscle him, outsmart him, or outshoot him to be free from his influence. You just have to outTRUTH him”.

But in order to outruth the devil, we need to know what the truth is, right? The only way to do that is go to the source of all truth, the Bible. His Word is the TRUTH. You may have amazing parents you turn to, along with amazing friends who lend advice….and read amazing books or follow blogs like this one. ALL are great resources to turn to. But the only true infallible source of truth is the Word of God (the Bible) and we have access to it with our fingertips. And it’s the GREATEST weapon we can use against the enemy’s “scheme-y” shady ways. In fact, Ephesians 6:17 says the we should arm ourselves with the “sword of the spirit, which is the Word of God”. The Word of God is our SWORD to slash down every lie that enters our mind.

This past year, my mind truly consumed me. The only way to describe it: I felt like I was in and internal prison of my own mind. I felt I had no control over the crazy thoughts and stories I made up, no matter how BADLY I wanted them to just go away. It caused me a lot of pain. My thoughts led to feelings which led to actions. It started as simple thoughts that snowballed downhill, one bad thought led to the next. I knew I had the power somehow to overcome this. As God promises us in 2 Timothy 1:7 “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a SOUND MIND.” A sound mind? This is what I so desired and so needed to feel the freedom from this internal self made prison I was living in.

So it wasn’t until I started journaling my thoughts to paper that I realized how many crazy thoughts and lies I have believed. I was able to see the lies I was telling myself or that I was being told. I couldn’t believe the way I connect the dots leading my mind down one crazy rabbit hole after another.

Journaling my thoughts and diving into the Word of God, aka the Bible, aka the TRUTH…this is where the peace and freedom began entering my mind. I have been able to recognize any thoughts that do not line up with the truth allowing me to take captive those thoughts and replace them with truth. The truth has given me peace and allowed me to free my mind from the thoughts that tormented me. Afterall, when you “know the truth, the truth will set you free” as we are promised in John 8:32.

And ladies – the lies will never be totally silenced. I still hear them every day, and continue to free my mind one lie at a time. I encourage you all to take up your sword DAILY and do the same. Journal your thoughts. Don’t let them become feelings that control you, and then seek peace and truth in the Bible itself.

Satan started with the mind of Eve in the Garden with a lie and He comes for us using the same techniques. I don’t want to give him credit, but he’s deceiving and knows exactly which lies to whisper in our mind. He was watched you and me over the years and is well acquainted with our insecurities, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. But remember – we have the TRUTH at our fingertips and as a sword to out TRUTH the lies.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

my ‘A-Ha’ prayer moment

Every day, I am blessed to have the opportunity to spend time with God. And I do. I refer to this as my ‘quiet time’ where it’s just God and me. Who? Yes, God. The creator of the universe. The God who created me, created you, created everything down to the laptop I am typing on. Who am I to have the privilege to TALK to the one behind everything that makes up all of creation? No big deal. Think about that for a minute. What a privilege.

My quiet time is when I carve out a portion of every single day to spend time with Him. During this time, I seek Him. I pray. I sit in silence as I listen to that small still voice of God speaking to me. I read the Bible. I journal. Typically, I read some sort of book or daily bible study. I might listen to a podcast, or read blogs/articles that I feel will encourage me to get closer to God.

I have a desire to get closer to God. I want to get so close to God that he speaks to me personally. Yes. The God who created everything…I want HIM to speak to ME, Alisha. The same God who spoke to Moses, Noah, Adam & Eve…and that brought his son, Jesus, to speak and ultimately die for the world. The God who created the story, knows the story from the beginning, throughout the middle, to the very end. The God that lives within me, who is always above me, who has gone before me, and who is always there for me. The God that sees what we don’t see yet.

Think about what I just said. We have access to the God that ALREADY knows the ending to the story. I often try to be the maker, the author, and the lead role in my life. But we have a God who is all of that in one. He is the beginning and the end, the first and the last. And I don’t know about you, but I want to strive to follow the one who already knows the ending. When life gets hard or when life is good, I want to follow the one who knows the master plan.

Ladies, I want you to hear this: sometimes the master plan doesn’t go the way we assume it should go. But there is a purpose behind it. God has it all written out. His designs for us are “plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11. He is FOR US, and he is on our team. We can’t prevent bad things from happening as sin entered our world a very long time ago…but we can choose to spend time with God in a daily quiet time and allow God to lead us. A God that will lead me to make major decisions in life comforting me and loving me along the way giving me a “peace that surpasses all understanding”. Phillipians 4:7

Now why wouldn’t I want to draw closer to the God that knows the beginning to the end and gives me such unfathomable peace? A God that has the BEST plan for me even when it doesn’t always make sense. The end of the story is this….I will spend eternity with God in Heaven. Jesus says in John 14:2-3 that “My Father’s house has many rooms…I’m going there to prepare a place for you….I will come back and take you to be with me”. Jesus is returning one day.

And we have the privilege to not only FOLLOW the lead of the One who wrote the story, but also TALK to One who wrote the story. How cool is that?

So how does one talk to God? The answer is simple: Prayer. What exactly is Prayer? Prayer = talking to God aka bringing all of what we ask and all of our wants to Him hoping he will react like a genie in a bottle and will grant us all our wishes because we know best, right? Wrong.

I used to get SO frustrated with this ritual of prayer. I would pray, and I feel like I was talking to a wall. I would ask for wisdom or direction and then…well crickets. So then I think that if I try to focus really hard on an ‘answer’ or for a direction on what to do about something going on my life, then maybe a sign or answer would miraculously fall from the sky. But once again, crickets. As a Christian, I have a deep desire to have a personal relationship with the Lord. Not a one way relationship where I am the ONLY one talking. And this is what it felt like for years. I thought this whole prayer thing is alright as I’ll just pray and throw some prayers up into Heaven and hope one of them sticks and we’ll go from there. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

Oh but sisters, let me tell you – prayer is SO MUCH more than that. Unfortunately, it took a lot of frustration and beating my head against the wall day in and day out – a wall that never spoke back to me. It wasn’t until I finally decided to open up and read the good ole’ Bible that my frustration changed. I mean sure I’ve read the Bible many times as I went to a private Christian school most of my life where it was required of me. I can quote scripture like it ain’t no thing HA! But I had never truly read and got deep into the Bible to seek answers. Furthermore, I never truly grasped the meanings behind the words. In fact, I never really thought of the Bible as anything more than a history book of sorts.

Psalm 119:10 says “The Word is a Lamp unto My feet, and a Light unto My Path”. The Word aka God’s Words aka the Bible. Pretty powerful book if it acts as the light to the path for my feet walk on, don’t you think? The Bible is the guide to my everyday life, my everyday path, and my everyday steps.

Let me tell you ladies – the moment I started diving into the Bible is the moment God startied speaking to me personally and directly. It’s as if His words come right off the paper, and into my heart where I can hear Him so clearly. The more time I spend in His Word and eagerly seek to know Him more, the closer I feel to the God I desire to know. Jeremiah 29:13 say that if “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all my heart.”

If there is one thing you takeaway from this post, take this:

Prayer is when WE talk to God. But reading His Word is when HE talks to us.

I challenge you to not just pray, but SEEK Him and as God promises – you will FIND Him. Start by spending time in His word. Allow him to speak to you right there in your quiet time. Did you know Jesus had quiet times himself? He would often go and pray to God, his Father, and he did so in ‘quiet’. He gave a sermon shortly before his crucifixion and said “when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place.” Seek him in the secret place, in your quiet time. And when you seek him, he promises that you will find him.

Jesus also said that same day during his sermon that when you do pray…to pray for God’s will to be done, and not our own saying “your kingdom come, and your will be done.” His BEST may not be OUR BEST. And may not be the way WE think things should be. I often, and I mean OFTEN pray for specific things (which isn’t a bad thing), but simply because it’s what I think is best for me and my life. Because I am more experienced than God himself. Or so I think. I am often humbled.

2 Samuel 22:31 says “As for God, His way is perfect”. So if His will (God’s will) is truly perfect, then why would we want to persuade him to do something that’s less than perfect? (our will)

Prayers may not always be answered as specifically requested, but just remember that it’s because He knows what’s best. When you realize this, the answered or not answered prayer is because he sees what we don’t see, and His perspective is better than ours.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

our love story

Allow me to share with you my love story – for me, the greatest title I’ll ever wear will be the one with the title “WIFEY”, and the other (I pray one day – God willing) will be titled “MOM”. I never grew up as a little girl dreaming of all the colors of my future wedding nor did I have my wedding dress already picked out from a young age. Needless to say, I DID end up having the most beautiful dream wedding and I wouldn’t change anything about that amazing day (wedding picture below). Although I never dreamt of the wedding itself, I did always dream of being a WIFEY one day. I dreamt of having a best friend, a partner, someone that I could rock this life with, and someone that would accept me for ALL of me…EVEN my crazy side (the side I tried to pretend that only other girls had but of course not me haha). I love Marilyn Monroe quotes. One of my favorite quotes of hers is “if you can’t love me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best”. And boy is that true…I dreamt of a man that would love me for me as I have so many unique qualities to offer and will strive on a daily basis to be the best wifey I can be for my man. However, I have a crazy mind that is guilty of letting my thoughts run wild (ladies, you know what I’m talking about here haha). My husband always tells me that he wishes he could be in the center action of my brain, because I come up with some wild and crazy stories up in there (HA, I can’t help it). Thankfully, he loves me for all my best, as well as all that crazy at my worst.

I married my teammate just this past year on December 2nd, 2017 in Austin, Texas (the city we met, fell in love, and got engaged). We had a mini-moon to Napa Valley shortly after the wedding tasting all our favorite wines, and then we just had our big vacation honeymoon (picture above of us on the beach) in Kauai, Hawaii. He proposed to me after 94 days of being my boyfriend…engagement photo(He proposed downtown in front of the Austin Capitol and hired a photographer hiding behind a tree to capture this moment – took me by total surpise)Wedding(our wedding day picture – right after we said I DO – I married a STUD) Napa Valley(Our mini-moon to Napa Valley shortly after our wedding. Wine, wine, and more wine)

So allow me to introduce you to my husband Nick – the rarest, nicest, most ambitious, most loyal, most out of this world committed man –

  • He’s RARE. Ladies, he’s a true gentleman. He opens my car door. He dates me and romances me by taking me on dates often and he writes me love letters daily. He called my father not only to ask for my hand in marriage, but to ALSO ask permission to date shortly after we met. Who does that? Old school rare gentlemen. Yes, they DO EXIST.
  • He’s the NICEST guy I have ever met. I am super close to my family, and when I first met my husband and would tell my family or anyone about this man I was seeing, all I kept saying was he is SO NICE. The NICEST guy. And everyone who met him could say the same thing.
  • He’s ridiculously AMBITIOUS. I say ridiculously in a good way. When we were just friends, he always worked hard as I would see him working weekends and holidays…he also has a steller education by graduate school, and spends 3 hours a day reading simply to educate himself. And now that he has a wifey, his ambition is on another level…he inspires me daily just watching the way he is always learning and teaching himself. I admire all his goals and look up to his hard work and ambition.
  • He is beyond LOYAL. He’s loyal to all he comes in contact with – his friends, his work, and his family. He’s a man of his word that you can count on for anything. When he says he is going to do something, he actually follows up and does it. His loyalty to me and our marriage come before anything else. Although he is ambitious and values his work, his loyalty to us is the most important thing.
  • He is the most out of this world COMMITTED man. And this ladies, I find extremely rare. I feel dating is so complicated and hard in the society we live in today. It’s so easy for a man to cut off his commitment one day and then swipe right, and be onto a new girl all in the same day. It’s much easier for men to be single, then it is for them to stick with it and stay committed through all the highs and lows. My man is all in, and committed no matter what.

I feel blessed to have a man like I do. But let me first start of by saying, I didn’t just stumble across my husband, and we by all means are not perfect. I went through many lonely nights, many wrong choices, many hurtful encounters, and many self sabotaging moments where I had to work on myself long before I met my husband.

But something changed my life forever and shifted in me when my older brother was weeks away from dying back in 2013. He was battling a rare form of cancer at an age that no one should be suffering at the level he did. And sadly, we lost him way too soon after a short 7 month battle. Weeks before he died, we shared some really cool conversations together. He encouraged me and told me that he knows I’ll find someone some day, someone that is a man after God’s own heart and that would pursue me, the way God designed it. He told me that everyday I choose to live my life is the type of life and man I am going to attract.

I told my brother that I was angry with his “God” and that his God would allow this to happen. Why wouldn’t he take me instead? I was single with no spouse like him, I had no job at the time, and I had no kids that were going to grow up with no father like his 2 little boys (my nephews) were about to do. If this “God” existed, why would he allow this to happen? I told him I felt God was rude and punishing us and our family for no reason. At this point, tears are streaming down my face as I was angry and hurt that God was taking away such a perfect man and it wasn’t fair.

My brother asked me to sit next to him and he put his arm around me and he said “God didn’t give me this cancer Leash. It’s the sins of this world, it’s the falling of man (ie: Adam and Eve), and that is what brought disease into this world to allow cancer to exist.” He then told me that “God is for us, and not against us, and that God cries with him every single night, and is sorry to see him go through what he’s going through and that God loves him very much,” He quoted a scripture verse “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood (ie cancer in this case), but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12. He said that there is a whole other world of battle out there (spiritual battle), and we have the best leader of all – God — and God is on OUR side.

My brother also told me that God promised him that he would take care of his wife and two boys he was leaving behind and God always fulfills his promises. Whoa. A young 33 year old man who had his entire life ahead of him, with an amazing career (that would end up going public and selling for millions after he died), to a beautiful wife and two beautiful children, a family who loved him, and friends that absolutely admired him, who was about to die suffering in intense pain, and had to say goodbye to the life he built and the dreams that he would never be able to fulfill, was telling ME to not be mad at God and that God is a loving, caring God who is on our team? That conversation changed my life, and that is the day I embarked on a journey to seeking this God…the loving, compassionate God my brother spoke so highly of. I sought God, I found God, and I never looked back. And I’ll be sharing many of those experiences and insights with you through out this blog.

So how did I meet my husband? I met him through mutual friends in the financial industry that my husband and I were both in at the time. I certainly do NOT have the answer to finding a husband (for those of you desiring one). But I will tell you a few things I did prior to meeting my man before my love story began.

  1. I EMBRACED being single. I made reading a habit when I started on this new journey of mine. I used to think reading was for dorks ha its true (sorry to all you book lovers out there). When people used to say that their hobby was reading, I used to scream BORRRINGGGG. However, I turned into a serious self help junkie and now I absolutely love reading books on this topic. I feel like every book out there as a single gal was about how to overcome your past or a bad breakup OR how to find a man and get him to like you, fall in love with you, and never leave you. But there was NOTHING available on how to embrace being single. I never discovered any information on how to enjoy the now and enjoy the singlehood. I felt so many of my friends were focused on being sad about that guy that didn’t ever text them back or be anxious about finding their future husband. For me, I totally EMBRACED the single life. For most people, their single life is just a short period of their life due to the fact that , you have your entire life to be married, but only a SHORT window to be single. So why not enjoy the crap out of it. I enjoyed eating whatever I wanted to eat, sleep whenever I wanted to, travel wherever I wanted to…and not have to care about the well being of anyone else but my own. It sounds selfish, right? Yup. I chose to embrace it. Cnce you do meet your partner, it’s not about just you anymore, as you have somebody else’s life and heart to take care of. So I embraced that part of my life and wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. I encourage you ladies who are single to do the same. My favorite book series I read when I was single was by a gal named Mandy Hale and her book is called “The Single Woman”. I highly recommend.
  2. I LET GO, and I LET GOD. Philippians 4:6-7 says: “Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” When my brother passed away, no matter how many well known doctors we brought him to, or how many prayers my family prayed, or how many times he went to chemotherapy, the results were OUT OF OUR HANDS. We had no control nor did the doctors. God had a plan and has a plan for everything. Just as the scripture says…’present your requests to God, and the PEACE that surpasses all understanding (ie MY understanding of how I wanted things to go and how I thought they should be). Ladies, focus on the word PEACE. Do you worry, stress, or think about finding your man? Are you with the wrong man or know you are settling with the one you are not supposed to be with? LET GO and LET GOD take over. “Present your requests to God” and then LET IT GO and be consumed with PEACE that surpasses what you think is best for you. What WE think is best for us may not be HIS best for us. And trusting HIS best, provides PEACE and security knowing it’s under control by God. I feel like it was that moment I truly let go and trusted, that I allowed God to prepare my heart. As a result, God brought my husband to me.
  3. I got CLEAR and SPECIFIC on what I wanted in a partner. Some people might be told they are “too picky”…and lets be real, some of you wish you could draw your perfect man up on a sheet of paper, and then poof, he comes to life jumping off the paper. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being clear and specific in what you want in a lifelong partner. Afterall, you are choosing to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with that person. But you also need to be realistic. For me, I decided to focus on just 10 specific yet clear things I wanted and didn’t want in a partner. I wrote out a list about a month before I started dating my husband. I still have the list. On the left side of a sheet of the paper, I wrote 10 things I “must have” in a partner and 10 things I “can’t stand”. I realized I can’t find what I’m looking for if I don’t even have the basic things I want or can’t stand living with. And this will look different for every gal. So I encourage you to sit down with yourself and get real with what it is YOU would like in a partner, and write down those things you can’t stand. It helps you get focused and aligned with your desires. I’ve seen some gals that end up “settling” and with someone that they can’t stand being with and they don’t know why. And there may be many reasons for that, but some of that could be they didn’t even know what they wanted in the first place. Get CLEAR!10 things I want in a partner(this is the clear and specific list I wrote a month before I met my husband)
  4. I was OPEN. Be open to that guy that might not be “your type”. This can be from the color of his hair, to his ethnicity, to his hobbies, or the profession you want him to be or not be in. I didn’t even look my husband’s way at first because he was working in my industry. As silly as that sounds, I refused to date anyone in the financial industry because the guys in the industry are not the most respectable guys. Furthermore, the industry is such a small industry. As a women in the industry, I had built a good reputation for myself. With that being said, I refused to date anyone associated with my career. Welp, now I’m married to one ha! I’ll never forgot one of my dear friends talking to me about my husband who I had just started dating at the time, saying how he seems like such an amazing guy, and me saying oh NOO, it won’t happen, he’s in my industry, and she stared at me blankly and said “so what? Give it a try”. I had also heard from countless friends and colleagues how my he is such a great guy and I should “go for him”. Can you imagine if I wasn’t OPEN because I “refused” to date anyone in the financial industry? I encourage you to be open to who shows up in your life.
  5. I got out of my own way. Self-sabotage. YUP! We have all been there. Perhaps we don’t feel worthy enough or we feel ashamed of our past that we don’t feel we deserve an amazing relationship. Or perhaps you have just been hurt and the pain is so memorable that you refuse to feel that pain again. So you self-sabotage things right when they begin to get too serious or when you meet someone you see potential with because you are so afraid of feeling that pain all over again. But sister, you are SO WORTHY of being happy and you’ll never experience that love again if you sabotage it everytime. Relationships bring out things in your life that you may have not even known you had and that’s because relationships cause you to become REAL. Be real with the partner you are with and real with yourself and that may bring up things that you are not ready to face. I had to get out of my own way and this started the moment I started dating my husband and things were moving super fast. I met a guy that seemed “too good to be true”. Things were “too perfect” that I didn’t think it could be real. I didn’t think I deserved that kind of man. But oh ladies, we SO deserve the best. I respect my husband so much because he was SO authentic to me from day 1. He just gave me his heart and we got serious SO fast that I was scared to death and tried running away so many times. I tried self-sabotaging the best thing that ever happened to me. My husband says I broke up with him weekly and I tried running away (which I totally did) and now that I think about it, I still do sometimes ha! Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. I had to go get out of my own way, and work through my fears to get to where I am now. I encourage you to get out of your own way.

Thank you for letting me share my love story and life with you. Hopefully I can sprinkle some wisdom on many different topics that are near and dear to me that I have learned that motivates and encourages you in your own unique journey.

XoXo,

Alisha