the lies 2019 taught me

I love looking back on a year and rather than look at how awful (or great) a year was, I look back to reflect on how much I grew and what were the life takeaways.

2019 transformed me in more ways that I could have ever imagined.

In all my 30-something years on this earth, 2019 (next to 2013 when my older brother passed away) was the most difficult year I experienced. AND the craziest part is it had nothing to do with anything outside of me. Thank you, Lord, for a year of good health, no death, no broken friendships, no financial losses, no betrayal, divorce, or major things most of us equate to a bad year.

No, none of these things.

What made this year now my second hardest year of my life was the transformation done INSIDE me, not what was occurring outside of me. But sometimes the internal battles can far outweigh what’s going on around us.

THIS WAS A YEAR OF BATTLE WITHIN MYSELF.

In 2019, Satan tried to flex his power. He showed up. God’s called me to something big, I know that. Just as He has called you as followers of Him to something big. He says in his Word “many are called, but few are chosen.” (Matthew 22:14) What does this mean? Some of us get trampled on by Satan and never step into our GREATEST calling or we try to do it all yourself which is a tactic of the enemy. Just as Saul did in the old testament. Saul was called to be king. King over all of Israel and rather than wait on the instruction of the Lord, he tried to do it himself. (1 Samuel 13:1-15) He therefore was overlooked as future king, and that’s when David took his place on the throne.

I don’t want to be overlooked for my major role in this life – my calling.

Sometimes God allows Satan and his army in our lives just as he did in Job’s story in the Bible. God actually “gave permission” (Job 1:12) to Satan to have his chance with Job. He allows things to happen to us to grow us. To strengthen us. To make us stronger than ever before preparing us for something bigger.

In the battle against the enemy, the key is to get stronger and to grow your faith muscle. Not to let the enemy take you out entirely. And for many of us, going through hardships end up discouraging us and taking us out before we ever had the chance to step into our calling. James 1:2-4 encourages us saying “when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”

In order for me to step into something bigger, I needed to go to battle and fight off things from my life that have been hindering me. To RELEASE them from my life. It was torturous. It felt at times very defeating. It felt like my whole world was taking a step back from all that I knew to be my comfort. But sometimes you must take a step back in order to plummet you that much further forward.

THIS WAS THE YEAR I FOUGHT THE LIES HOLDING ME BACK.

Lies from the enemy that I wasn’t good enough. Lies of the unknown. Lies that every time my husband would walk out the door and travel for work, that he might leave for something better and never come back and abandon me. Lies that I needed status clout from others in order to feel loved and purposeful. Lies that in order for my life to be satisfied and complete, I needed things to look a certain way. Lies that I should just go back to the way things were and forgo my calling because the way things were, were safe and known. Lies that just because other gals have found what I deemed as success, that there was no room for me at the table. Lies that I had nothing to offer.

These lies affected every area of my life.

In recent years, I left my career as a VP finance boss-babe to pursue God’s calling on my life to write and speak to women. A calling I felt on my heart from the time I was young. I’m blessed to have a husband who provides for me financially and supports my dreams and is consistently inspiring me and encouraging me to live them out.

My husband knows what I’m capable of and has believed in me from day 1.

However, Satan knows what I’m capable of too.

Therefore, he was active with distracting me, discouraging me and ultimately attempting to destroy me. He knows that once God’s power takes over me, that I can leave him trembling in fear and damage his plan for destruction. He knows the impact I can have on women and some women are just waiting to hear from me. The enemy knows that I am the kind of woman that when my feet hit the floor each morning, it will leave him saying “oh no, she’s up.”

Because of the calling on my life, the enemy tried taking me out this past year. And as I drew closer to God, Satan drew closer to me too.

This was a year of RELEASE.

But day by day, the more time I spent with God and in the truth of His word, the more confidence and wisdom I gained. Instead of believing the lies and having them dictate my actions, I began replacing those lies with the truth. I began filtering everything that came my way through the filter of truth not the filter of my hurt. And as I began replacing those lies, I began to experience more freedom.

What happens when you become free, is you become everything God has called you to be for Him.

Remember – Satan is already defeated. He is a defeated foe. When all is said and done, and our short life here on earth is over, Satan loses. Not us. This is why Jesus died on the cross for us. To give us the option of salvation. When God comes back one day to grab His followers, Satan will spend eternity in hell. But his mission while he is still roaming this earth is to “kill, steal, and destroy us”. (John 10:10)

He tried to destroy my dreams, my well-being, my relationships, my self-worth, and most importantly my trust in God. He will try every tactic to get me away from the Lord where he knows that with the Lord’s strength in my corner, I will have the most power and can make the most impact.

Do you know you have POWER and authority to break ANYTHING from your life?

Friends – God gave us authority and power to overcome ANY stronghold, anything holding us back. To break them, to master them, and walk in true freedom and victory. He promises us this in Luke 10:19 – “I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you.”

This year was the most challenging yet most defining. Most painful, yet most overcoming. Most defeating, yet most victorious. Satan is still out there to destroy me, but the wisdom the Lord has bestowed on me – I strive to apply to my life daily. Make no mistake, some days I still lose, but thankfully, God’s “mercies are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:23) and we have the power and authority at our disposal whenever we choose to fight in any battle.

OUR GREATEST WEAPON IS THE BIBLE. BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

All the lies that consumed me this year, dictating my actions or reactions, controlled me, and stole so many things from me was because I didn’t know how to fight the lies. But now I do. The only way to fight lies is with TRUTH. The very first temptation in history started with Adam and Eve. And do you know what caused the fall of man and sin to enter our world? A lie. A lie from the serpent, Satan himself.

What lies are you telling yourself? What are you believing from your past? What strongholds do you have that are binding you up “choking out the life of God in you?” (Matthew 13:22)

Let this be a year of RELEASE ladies. Trust me, there is freedom on the other side.

Many of us have been trying to go to the next level and trying to do the next thing, but we are tied down to things the enemy has strategically placed in your way to prevent you from taking off. Things that have grounded us to the ground. But God is trying to launch you higher. Those habits, lies, beliefs, insecurities, fears, unforgiveness, scars from your past…they are holding you back from where God is trying to take you.

God isn’t just calling us to fly up in the air and go from one place to the next place. He is calling us to launch us into a whole new atmosphere.

So, it’s time to release what’s holding you back. It might be painful as you face it, but I encourage you to go THROUGH it, not around it, not ignore it, nor try to manipulate it. Rather go through the pain of releasing what is holding you back. Why did Jesus spread mud all over the blind man’s eyes in order to heal his eyes? (John 9:1-12) His healing was MESSY (literally), just as mine was. Don’t let the method or pain of release prevent you from the miracle and freedom of release.

A year ago, today, I would never have believed the freedom that I feel in this moment. But I had to go to battle. I received some battle wounds and bruises along the way, but came out stronger. Girl, you’ve got this. Don’t let the enemy trip you and rip you to shreds any longer. You’re beautiful. You’re brave. You’re a chosen soldier in this horrific battle with a glorious ending.

XO,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley8 Comments

one of the best gifts I ever received

I recently celebrated my birthday. And it was on my birthday years ago, that I was given one of the best gifts I have ever received. The gift was a Bible. The only other gift that compares is my beautiful custom-made rose gold diamond wedding ring. I still admire it daily as I’m proud to wear the title of a wifey and proud of my hunk of a husband. My ring is my symbol to show my daily choice in choosing him. I cherish these two items more than any other. If my home was on fire, these would be the two things I would grab on the way out.

I received this Bible from my brother for my 30th birthday. Little did I know that that would be my last birthday with him as he passed away the following year from cancer. I can’t give all the credit to my brother for buying this Bible for me as his wife was most likely the gift buyer haha just as I am in my household. But I will never forget what my brother said after I opened the gift. He said “the Bible isn’t something to just look at, it has power when put to use, so promise me you’ll use it?”  I hesitated, nodded with confusion, and then promised him I’d put it to use.

Power? A book of 66 chapters of stories that I’ve heard countless times in Sunday school is supposed to be full of power. Adam and Eve, Noah and the Ark, Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath. This book of stories has power? It wouldn’t be for a couple years before I fulfilled my promise to my brother.

I was no stranger to the Bible. I’ve read it many times. I know a lot of Scripture from having to memorize it as I attended a private Christian school most of my life and it was required of me. Most of the Scripture had a few good takeaways and values I could add to my life, but I also didn’t understand a lot of it so I’d just skip over many of the passages. Where was this power that my brother was talking about? To me, the Bible was more of a history book with good stories we could all learn a little something from.

Over the next few years, I began to really dive into this ‘book of power’, and what I discovered was that the words started to jump off the pages and sink into my heart. I spent time trying to understand the passages that I seemingly passed over years before. It began to change my heart, change my mind and change my perspective. The Bible became my everyday guide to my everyday life, my everyday path, and my everyday steps.

The Bible was no longer a storybook or a history lesson with the occasional nuggets of wisdom. It now became my everyday book full of limitless power.

Allow me to highlight some of the continual and influential power the Bible has revealed to me and radically inspired in my life:

The Bible guides me: Just like when you are in a dark theater room, and you are looking for your seat and there are little foot lights to guide you to each row to eventually find your seat. God has provided footlights for your life in the Bible to guide us as we walk and to keep us from falling and tripping in this dark world. But just as this world is ever changing, we don’t just read the Bible once, and then boom, we have all the light and guidance we need for life. Even the light you received yesterday, is not enough light to guide you through today. That is why we need to read the Bible DAILY for daily light and daily guidance. Psalm 119:10 says “The Word (the Bible) is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path”.

The Bible gives comfort: I can call my family and girlfriends to encourage me and uplift me. My husband is my best friend and would do anything for me. But when you still feel hopeless and all the wisdom given to you just isn’t enough, God’s Word will shed light on your situation and bring you comfort that no human being can. It will give you a kingdom perspective versus the worldly perspective we live in. The Bible will burn hopelessness out of your life and give you a “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). God’s word promises comfort as Jesus says “come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”. (Matthew 11:28)

The Bible is our greatest weapon: The Word of God is Truth. We live in a world full of lies. Whether its lies others tell you, or lies that you tell yourself. Lies keep us from living in freedom and keep us from pursuing our dreams using our God-given talents. They hurt ourselves and often hurt our loved ones. Do you know where those lies come from? The devil himself. In fact, “there is no truth in him…for he is a liar, and the father of lies”. (John 8:44)  And the only way to defend against the lies, is to know and combat them with the truth. God left us with the greatest offensive weapon of all to tackle the lies that keep you hostage in this life. That weapon is the Bible. For the Bible is the opposite of lies and is the “Truth.” (Psalm 33:4, 119: 142, 160) Knowing God’s word (aka the truth) in our mind, in our heart, and speaking it out of our lips will defeat the lies being thrown at us everyday.

I now hunger for God’s Word like food. I thirst for it like water. I soak in it. I lose myself in it. I put it on like it’s my favorite accessory. And I weave it into my soul so that it becomes part of the fabric in my life. I’ve seen it change my life, my marriage, and my perspective with everything I face in front of me for the day. It is wise, it is a counselor, it is satisfying. I strive to “meditate on it day and night” just as Joshua 1:8 encourages us to do so.

Along with my brother, Martin Luther experienced the power of the Word that later led him to write “The Bible is alive, it speaks to me, it has feet, it runs after me, it has hands, and it lays hold on me.”

Remember, when you are holding the Bible, you are holding the actual Word of God in your hands. It is a precious treasure that we all have access to. I challenge you to just dive in. And if it doesn’t make sense, keep on diving in. God will speak directly to you as he promises that “if you seek me, you will find me when you search for me with all your heart”. (Jeremiah 29:13) Seek Him in His Word and as He promises – you will FIND him. God’s purpose isn’t that we just get into His Word, but that His Word gets into us. That the words that are printed on the pages of His Word would become permanently written on our hearts. Go after it girl!

Alisha Headley3 Comments

taking the first step

Taking the first step into something new can be terrifying. Especially when it’s something completely unfamiliar and out of your comfort zone. Its easy to doubt yourself during these times. But did you know that even heroes of the Bible doubted themselves before they stepped into something new? Allow me to share with you my own story of taking steps of faith as well as share a hero’s story from the Bible.

This past month, I had the opportunity to attend the She Speaks Christian Women’s Writing Conference right here in my backyard in Charlotte. It was 3-day writing, speaking, and leading conference full of 750+ other like- minded gals all pursuing their passion. Like me, most were new and unfamiliar to this.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about how I left my VP corporate career in finance 2 years ago to pursue a passion on my heart for women. A passion that’s been on my heart since I was a little girl. That day two years ago, I was full of excitement, yet even more full of fear, because I had NO IDEA what I was doing. I had NO IDEA where to start. But mostly I thought WHO AM I to step out of everything I’ve ever known and influence women?

It was roller coaster of emotions. Some of the questions I wrestled with myself:

  • who is going to listen to me?
  • what exactly do I have to give that is unique enough to share with other women?
  • where do I even start?

I have always been blessed with a lot of amazing girlfriends, as I am without a doubt, a girl’s girl. I’ve always had girlfriends confide in me with issues they were going through. And I’ve been able to create a space of no judgement able to give sound advice. But yet I still wrestled with wondering what business did I have speaking to them about LIFE and encouraging them with my not so perfect decisions I’ve made in my past? I didn’t feel I had the qualifications to step into this new calling.

I felt unequipped, unqualified, and inadequate.

I can’t tell you how many times in the past 2 years, I said myself “this new chapter in my life was too unknown and too unfamiliar, so I was just going to go back into the finance industry and pick up my career where I left off.” But then every time this happened, God divinely and intentionally pulled my heart back in. I KNEW without a doubt I was to pursue this passion of working with women. Not to mention, I had a husband that gave me a wide open canvas of freedom to do whatever my heart wanted. And I’m not just talking about him working hard and providing for me financially in order to do so…which I’m forever grateful for. But bless his heart, he has listened for countless hours about all the new ideas fresh on my mind and then me changing my ideas week after week. And every attempt to take a small baby step usually involved tears like a baby too. And my sweet husband was along for the ride. (I love you bubba)

My first actual step was posting my first blog post. I know this may seem simple for some of you. But ladies – it took me 18 months to do that. 18 MONTHS! I remember my hand was shaking when I hit the publish button. And I’m pretty sure only 3 people read that first post. My husband, mom and dad. HA!

That first step of obedience into what God was calling me into, was an important step because I realized God was with me even in the small baby step of posting my first blog post. Sometimes we wait and wait for a sign or hope that God will roll out a red carpet from Heaven to tell us what to do next. That He’ll lay it all out in an organized way. But what if God is just waiting for us to take the first step? And then the next step, and every step after that with Him by our side? And the areas you feel weak or scared, what if He gave you ALL that you would need to accomplish the work for Him?

An example in the Bible of one who doubted taking the first step was Moses. Moses didn’t feel adequate enough either. Yes, the hero Moses.  He felt insecure and didn’t think He was the person for the task God had called him to. When we think of the life of Moses, we think of the parting of the Red Sea. Leading the Israelites through the wilderness. Receiving the 10 commandments. Just to name some of the few significant things he did for God. 

But before Moses started his ministry, he questioned his own ability. He had no idea the Red Sea was going to part or that he was going to be one of the pillars of faith in the Bible. He didn’t know that for generations and centuries after him, that we would know his name.

When God met Moses at the burning bush and told him He had called him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, do you know what Moses responses was? Exodus 4:10 says that Moses pleaded with the Lord saying “Oh Lord, I am not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”

Moses was doubting his own ability. God replied to him in Verses 11-12 “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see, or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord?” Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”

WOW! The Moses we all know as a hero of the Bible doubted himself too asking God the same questions I wrestled with, “why me?” He didn’t feel qualified. He even goes a step further in Verse 13 and says “Lord, please send anyone else.”

It’s so easy for us to think these characters of the Bible just went out with courage and confidence easily and never had any doubt in their mind because we know the end of the story. If we look at this scenario from the eyes of Moses, we realize that he didn’t know all those things were going to happen. Just like myself, all Moses knew is that God was calling him to do something. He didn’t know how it was going to end up.

Where in your life do you feel God is calling you? Where do you feel inadequate? Maybe you are a new wife and a new mom and feel like you don’t know what you are doing? Maybe you don’t feel like seeking that promotion at work or switching careers because you don’t feel like you’re qualified. Or perhaps you are settling in a relationship where you know God has called you elsewhere, but you’re too scared to take the step to get out.

I spent far too long feeling this way. Letting the lies of the enemy dictate me not taking steps. I let fear hold me from taking the small first step. It’s about taking each day and giving it to God, and taking each step with him. I realized as I began taking each step. God met me right there leading me and guiding me through every small step, every fear, every wall, every doubt, every lie, every moment on this journey.

I know that the conference I attended was God’s preparation to have me step out into my calling. I was nervous, but also felt like God equipped me for it the past 6 months as I’ve been taking baby steps leading up to the conference. Yes, God knew my brokenness, my imperfect life, my bad choices, my hurts, and all my weaknesses.

God kept saying to me, ‘Alisha, I’m going to use every single aspect of your life and use it to help others. What the enemy meant for evil to hurt you, I am going to turn it around and use it for the greater good and for my glory. “For I have plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).  Scripture promises us in 2 Peter 1:3 that “by His divine power, God has give us everything we need.” Isaiah 41:10 says “don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Ladies, do you hear what God says in His word to us? We are called to His purpose. It might not be without trials and a fight along the way, but He has big plans for us, He has equipped us, giving us everything we need, and will strengthen us and be with us, and we WILL be victorious. These are God’s PROMISES to us! It’s time we STEP into these promises.

I stepped out in faith last month to attend a conference I’d never been to, in an industry I’ve never been a part of, with a group of women I’ve never met. I was welcomed with an overflowing amount of open arms. I met amazing influencers, authors, speakers, publishers, editors, agents and Bible teachers. I gained so much knowledge and new friendships that I’ll keep in my pocket for a lifetime. Through the conference, I was given the opportunity to  became a freelance writer for three large Christian sites (www.iBelieve.com, www.Christianity.com, www.Crosswalk.com). And my very first published article as a writer went live this past week. (click on this link to view published article)

If I never took the step, this opportunity would have never opened up for me.

God knows the plan, even though I don’t. He knew the plan for Moses, even though Moses didn’t. Our job is to just follow Him in obedience ONE STEP AT A TIME. I can’t wait to see God continue to move in my life and part the sea for me as I continue to take one step at a time into what He has called me to do. And although I have NO IDEA what I’m doing, I’m just going to do the next thing. Because thankfully, our God sure knows what to do!

Be encouraged if you are struggling with the feeling that you are called but unequipped, unqualified, inadequate, that you would let God meet you exactly where you are and that He will make a way for you. Trust him in the next step girl. You got this!

XoXo

(below are a few pictures from the conference including some of my favorite authors who were speakers at the event: www.lysaterkeurst.com, www.jamieivey.com, www.wendyblight.com, www.biancaolthoff.com)

Lysa TerKeurst
Jamie Ivey
Wendy Blight
Bianca Olthoff

Alisha Headley8 Comments

there is purpose in the pain

Grief. I hate that word. But grief is something we have all experienced or if you haven’t yet, you will someday. Afterall, death is the only guarantee in life.

Grief comes in many forms. From saying goodbye to an old friendship or relationship, to closing a chapter in an old career and pursuing a new one. We grieve many things through out our lives. Webster’s dictionary describes grief as: sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, suffering, heartache. It’s a heaviness in heart and most of us have felt it in some way.

Pain is pain, and all pain hurts. But the worst kind of pain was the pain and loss I felt when I lost my older brother Benji. He was the young age of 33 when he died.

His story is definitely that story you hear or read about. A story about how a good person is gone way too soon. He lived a great life.  He married his high school sweetheart and was always madly in love with her. He had two beautiful healthy boys. He helped start and build a tech company that was just months away from going public before he died. Not to mention, he was just an amazing guy. They say ‘only the good die young’, and I can say from the bottom of my heart, Benji was one of them.

Cancer got a hold of him. He was not feeling well and after a couple months, was diagnosed with a rare form of lung stem cell cancer found in his stomach. He was gone 7 months later. Did we know he was going to die? No. He did the chemo treatments and we came together like a family and all had the high hope that he would come through healed on the other side.

It was this same week in July of 2013, the week of his birthday, that he was forced to have an emergency surgery to get his colon removed. However, removing his colon would mean he had to quit chemo and therefore there was no cure for his cancer. The doctors told him they were sending him home, and there was nothing else we could do for him. They were sending him home to die.

I’ll never forgot the call I received from him. He called me to tell me the news. All I could do was cry. And the crazy part about it, all he did was listen and tell me that he’s here for me and I could talk to him about anything I was feeling. He was asking me if I was ok, and how I was handling it all. He was the one dying, the one who had to say goodbye to his wife of 13 years and his sons, yet he was so worried about how I was doing? Somehow, he was all our strong rocks when he was the one suffering and physically weak in pain.

How do you prepare to say goodbye to someone you love for the very last time? I was living in California at the time so I came home every weekend to be with him. We all watched him slowly deteriorate in a short 6 weeks. We spent his last birthday with him in the hospital after he had his surgery. We had nights where we would stay up and talk all night about life, and how much we loved each other. We laughed, we cried. At one point,  we even got into an argument where I was the dramatic little sister that felt bullied by my older brother and so I did what any mature woman about to turn 30 does, I deleted him as my friend on Facebook. HA! But that only lasted a few hours.

I cherish those final moments with him. But throughout those final weeks, it wasn’t sitting well with me. I couldn’t make sense of it all. Why would God take him away? Why wouldn’t God heal him right then and there? Afterall, he was God. And Benji was a devout Christian. How cruel of God to do this to our family. Benji was intuitive and a man full of wisdom. He knew I wasn’t ok and I’ll never forgot one of the last conversations we had. I was telling him my hurt and confusion. My confusion around this God that he spoke so highly of. At this time of my life, I knew who God was, I knew Scripture. But I didn’t walk with the Lord or have any personal relationship with Him.

After voicing my confusion, Benji answered me saying “Alisha, it wasn’t God that gave me this cancer. Cancer, as well as sin and many other diseases, entered the world during the fall of Adam and Eve. In fact, God cries with me every night. He tells me He’s so sorry I have to go through this and sorry I have to say goodbye to everyone I love. He’s sitting right here with me through this all and he loves me”. WOW! at the time, I didn’t understand the whole Adam and Eve comment. My brother is dying and he’s talking about an old school story in the Bible? Whatever. But this is what started my journey to studying the Bible and turning my heart to the loving God my brother was talking about. This is where I found hope in in this pain.

Why does God allow pain? Why does God heal some cancer and doesn’t heal others? I don’t have that answer. But I do know there is purpose and promise in the pain. And its ok that we don’t have the reason as to why. God knows the bigger picture. And although losing my brother was one of the hardest things I had to walk through, I do know we have a God that has a plan. and taking my brother early was part of the plan.

Allow me to summarize the main story of the Bible in a few short paragraphs. It helps paint the picture my brother was describing that night. The world was perfection in the beginning. Adam and Eve sinned and brought the evil and death into the world. However, God promises perfection in the end. It starts with perfection in Genesis, and ends with perfection in Revelation. God sent his son, his very OWN son to die on the cross for us to alleviate us from living in a sinful world forever. I’m not sure I could give up my favorite outfit or favorite pair of shoes, let alone a child haha. Oh, how I love my clothes. But God loved us so much, that he gave us His own son to die to save us from living a life in this perishable world. Now that’s love. In fact, the whole Bible is just one whole love story for God fighting for us back, fighting for the perfection that the enemy stole from us in the beginning. John 3:16 says “ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life”.

We are not stuck in this cancer-filled, brokenheart-filled, sadness-filled, sin-filled world forever. We have perfection waiting for us on the other side. WOW. Let that sink in. God promises in Revelation 21:4 that He will “wipe away every tear from your eyes…there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain.”

I miss my brother so much. And today, he would be 39 years old if he was here. But God called my brother home because He has a different job for him, fighting a war. As Ephesians 6:12 tells us “we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rules and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” I think about my brother daily. I often think about what he’s doing. I know he’s got a job. He finished his life here on earth to completion and is helping God and His army finish a job in the Heavenly realm too. I know he’s with the same God I pray to every day and I find that pretty cool. The last thing Benji told me is that he’ll be busy and that time flies by and he’ll see me soon.

God still has me here on earth fulfilling a purpose, just like my brother fulfilled his purpose here too. Remember – God sees the bigger picture. He knows how this story ends and is using you as a character with a purpose. I’m not sure what sort of disappointment you are facing today, but just remember to TRUST the Author. To trust our God who sees the bigger picture. Trust the Author because he wrote he story. And He knows the beginning to the end, so we can rest assured, we are in good hands.

To everyone who is reading this, I hope this helps whenever you go through are faced with anything painful. And don’t forget to raise a glass for my brother at some point today. To Benji, Happy Birthday from the other side. Your little sister misses you.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley4 Comments

the perks of being single

Yes, you read the title correctly. I am writing about the PERKS of being single. All the benefits and joys of living that single life. This picture above was taken the weekend my husband and I officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. It was three years ago on 4th of July weekend. The title boyfriend and girlfriend lasted all of 94 days before he proposed to me and became my fiancé. But It was the last weekend we were both “single”.

Let me start of by saying that I love my husband and I love being married. I am so grateful I found my teammate who always has my back. And as cliché as it sounds, it came when I least expected it. I am grateful that I get to have a sleepover with my best friend every night. I am grateful that I have someone that asks how my day is and that I get to share all my crazy ideas and dreams with. I’m grateful that I get to build a life with someone and not to mention that someone is a good looking fella that I get to look at daily. There are many perks of being married as I just listed a few.

But what about that single life leading up to dating?

When I was single, every book on the shelf about this topic was all one-in-the-same. There were countless books on how to get over an ex, or how to get that perfect guy. One classic book that was passed through the hands of most of my girlfriends was “why men marry bitches” by Sherry Argov. The book talks about how being extra nice doesn’t necessarily mean the guy you are with will be more devoted. The book teaches you how being a “bitch” will  get a guy to propose to you. That was just many of the books that I came across teaching you to be a certain way in order to land a guy. Oddly enough, my husband said one of the things he was looking for in a future wife was a gal that was sweet as he said those are hard to come by. Sweet AKA nice AKA not mean/bitchy like that book describes. Although I read that book along with countless other women, my husband ended up choosing me for the complete opposite. I know all men are different and to each their own, but there are so many books and advice out there on how to either win the next guy in the future or how to overcome a breakup from the past.

But where was all the advice on just being in the present moment of being single? And why does all the advice need to focus on what you had or what you don’t have yet?

For all my single ladies out there, what would life look like if you EMBRACED being single? Rather than feel left out, lonely, or behind all your friends who are engaged and getting married?

Every journey is different. But one thing I did when I was single was I viewed my single years as a once-in- a-lifetime experience. Trust me, a wedding is a once in a lifetime experience too and I loved every detail about my wedding. But if your goal is to be married for the rest of your life, then that means you only have this small window to be single. So why wouldn’t you EMBRACE it to the fullest?

What does that look like? Lets discuss both practically and Biblically speaking.

It’s going to look different for everyone, but for me, one of the many most basic perks was I only had myself to focus on. A relationship or marriage takes a lot of selfless action. Being single, it’s all about one person…me. I could eat whatever I wanted for dinner without asking what the other person wanted. I could go on vacations wherever and spend all the time in the world with my girlfriends and family because I had nowhere else to be. No one else’s feelings and desires to worry about. I could work on any venture and in any career not worrying about how it would affect another person or a family at home. I could spend all my money on clothes, and I did just that. All of it! Ha, oops. I could move to any state I wanted to without caring about anyone else’s feelings, and I did just that. I truly focused on ME, and not what anyone else was doing. And that time was priceless.

Remember, one can still be happy, and a husband is not a prerequisite to that. My husband compliments my life in ways I didn’t know possible, and I wouldn’t trade him, nor our love story for anything in the world. But he (and all husbands) are not the key that makes one happy.

If you are in a season of not loving the single life, I encourage you to rethink the way you are looking at being single. Being single is a season one should embrace as it’s a season you are able to live “without distraction” as stated in 1 Corinthians 7:35. Earlier in the chapter, it highlights that “the unmarried woman cares about things of the Lord and her aim is to be holy in her body and her spirit…but a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities caring about the things of the world –  and how she may please her husband.” I still have a beautiful relationship with God, but now I have a family (my hubby and pup) that need my attention and dedication as well. Being single, your sole focus is God and living for Him and Him only.

For most of us, this is the ONE time you can live a life solely for God and yourself without any distractions. Be encouraged that it’s not permanent. Thank God for this season as it’s a gift with no distraction. So make the most of it for as long as you have it.  Ask God what it is He wants to do with you during your season of singleness. Create a list of all the things you want in a husband and then hand it over to God. “Keep your eyes fixed on God” (Hebrews 12:2) until the day you meet your husband. And don’t forget to pray for your future husband as God hears every prayer. 1 John 5:14 says “ Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us”.

In addition, focus on what makes you happy, learn new things, try new passions, spend time doing the things that make you happy and make you ‘you’. There are the times to be selfish with your time and energy. Focus your time on what makes you happy in this present moment because until you can experience happiness by yourself, how can you experience it with another person?

Both being single and married has it perks. Both challenge you. Both strengthen you. Both discipline you. Both grow you. Both teach you. And both change you. Being single and being married do all of that. However, the one perk of being single that sets this time apart, is it’s typically just a short season in the grand scheme of life. So embrace it TODAY. You have a forever fairy tale for the rest of your life ahead of you, but only this moment in your life to be single. EMBRACE it to the fullest.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley2 Comments

how to stop comparing yourself

“I didn’t ask you to be HER, I asked you to be YOU. – God. ”

I love this quote. I love the special feeling it gives me of feeling secure, loved and unique. It’s easy to read a beautiful quote, but living it out in real life is an entirely different story.

We live in a culture where we can’t help but compare ourselves. A culture of over-stimulation. With social media its all about how many ‘followers and likes’ we receive. And based on how many we receive, that is the key ingredient to making one feel accepted and loved. For some, social media is used for business, but for a vast majority of us, it makes us feel valued the more attention we receive from those that love us as well as those that don’t even know us.

On the other side of this, as we are feeling valued (or not valued) depending on the response of the world, we are also admiring, feeling jealous, and comparing ourselves to others. I believe there are two ways you can compare yourself to others. 1. You feel superior to them. OR 2. You feel inferior to them. And this all depends on each individual’s reason behind the comparison, but both are equally damaging to your joy and peace.

It was none other than Theodore Roosevelt who stated “comparison is the thief of joy”. Ain’t that the truth. Comparison consumes us. Comparison is exhausting. Think about it. Trying to become someone that you are not and that you will NEVER be…that’s exhausting. Trying to run and catch up with someone in their lane when in reality, you will never actually catch up to someone else’s lane because it’s THEIR lane, not yours…that’s exhausting. Or if you’re not catching up but rather feeling you are superior, how exhausting is that to keep telling yourself or others about all the reasons why you are better, and then the negative state that puts your mind in. The pride that involves takes work. Regardless of however you compare yourself, it’s exhausting.

The Bible talks to this subject reminding to you stay in your lane. Galatians 6:4 says: “Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” If we are always focused on what other’s are doing, how can we put all our attention to our unique calling and work? If you focus on you and what God has set before you, then there will be no need to compare yourself to others.

What if you have yet to walk into your own calling because you are so focused on walking in someone else’s calling?

Jeremiah 29:11 –  “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”.

God has a specific plan for YOU and you won’t accomplish that plan by looking at others. He has a specific plan for you as well as a specific plan for that gal you compare yourself to at the gym, or that gal in your office, and the gal that seems to have the perfect relationship. Their plan is different from your plan.

Mine and yours goal should be to look at ourselves and only ourseles to become better at the calling we are currently placed in. Our goal should be to look more like the person we are called to be everyday. The perfect example of who we should aspire to be like is Jesus. Jesus who was a living human in the flesh and the perfect example to compare ourselves to. 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul (the apostle) says to “be intimators of me, as I am of Christ”. He is the ultimate one we should compare ourselves to and try to intimate.

Perhaps you feel lost right now as you are in the middle of a career change, or going through a breakup, or just graduated college and not sure what to do. EMBRACE this season of your life exactly where you are rather than looking at what others are doing. When I decided to leave the financial industry and become a stay at home wifey, I embraced every second of being the best wifey I could be. When I was single, I embraced every second of it. Afterall, I would eat an entire pizza by myself on a Friday night with NO ONE around me and I embraced that fully with no shame haha. Stop comparing yourself to the girlfriend who just got engaged while you are sitting at home alone on a Friday night. EMBRACE it. You are ONLY you, and you are ONLY going to be you and everybody is on a different path. Right now, I have the outside pressure of having kids. I get told I am getting older and told that I am far behind the rest of the world. Well, says who? God knows the plans he has for ME, for ALISHA. My plan is going to look different than YOUR plan. Trust God for YOUR life, don’t trust in someone else’s life.

Here are some practical tips that have helped me on this journey to compare myself less.

1. Take inventory of what is in your life. One of the best words of wisdom I ever received that truly resonated with me was the first month my husband and I started dating. We hired a nutritionist coach for 6 weeks. She told us that whatever it is that we are eating that “if it doesn’t nurture you or nourish you, then get rid of it”. And you can take that an apply that to any area of your life.

  • what in your life isn’t nurturing or nourishing you and causing you to compare yourself?
  • Is the reality show you are watching you nourishing or nurturing you or allowing room for you to compare yourself to others?
  • Is social media nurturing you and making you feel good or bad about yourself causing you to compare yourself?
  • Is that friendship nurturing or nourishing you or are you comparing yourself to her?

2. Know who YOU are. Not what the world says about you. The world will tell you that you should weigh this much, or look like the models in the magazines, or you should dress that way, or have this career or that career. Perhaps some of the closest people to you have belittled you in the past and compared you which could be THEIR truth and although hurtful, it’s not God’s truth. Remember God created you, not men. I encourage you to seek the Bible for the truth about you. Psalm 139:14 says that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” and that you are a “masterpiece” (Ephesians 2:10). The God who created the earth we live in, created YOU as a masterpiece. Let that sink in.

3. Control your thoughts before they control you. Philippians 4:8 says ‘’fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” If you are like most gals and look at your body or appearance and beat yourself up, it’s time you take control of your thought life and “take those thoughts captive”. (2 Corinthians 10:5) This is a very hard habit to apply. Gratitude is such a big factor in your thoughts. Finding the things in your life to be grateful instead of comparing your life to others is a great habit I try to implement daily. In order for these thoughts to not consume you, you need to take captive the thought first before it enters your heart and becomes a part of you. “As a man thinks, so is he”. (Proverbs 23:7)

Remember, there is only one you. And it takes up so much exhausting energy to be someone you were never intended to be. You cannot pursue your path when you are trying to be on someone else’s path that wasn’t designed for you. You have a custom designed path that God created that only YOU get to walk on. EMBRACE IT!

Alisha HeadleyLeave a comment

love is more than a good feeling

It’s wedding season. I feel like everyone around us is getting married. I LOVE weddings. I love dressing up, dancing, and paying attention to every detail at a wedding. I found my best friend and married him 18 months ago and I planned our entire wedding from beginning to end, down to the minor details like the color of the forks. I didn’t want any help from friends or family as I took on the project solo wanting to own it from beginning to end, and I can truly say I loved every minute of it. I had never planned an event before but it turned out exactly how I envisioned it.

I also love LOVE. Hopeless romantic? Sure. This past weekend, we attended a wedding for my husband’s college roommate in the Washington DC area (as seen in the picture above)  and I cried during the entire ceremony. I love being loved and I love to love others with all that I am.  

I just love LOVE.

But what does love look like AFTER the beautiful ceremony and honeymoon? How does it look during everyday life?

There are many examples of love in some of my favorite movies I’ve made my husband dreadfully watch with me haha. My top three love stories are easily the Titanic, the Notebook, and Aladdin. All stories of relentless love. I experienced a similar love story with my husband. He courted me, he pursued me relentlessly, and proposed to me after 94 days of being my boyfriend. My husband has loved me in a way that I didn’t think was possible except for the love I saw in the movies. He loved me for who I was, accepted all my past and current inadequacies. He sees my flaws and scars as beauty in his eyes. He loves me for the things that I wasn’t even sure I loved about me. He loves me through all my crazy moments even though I denied ever having a crazy side to me haha. He not only loves me at my best, but loves me at my worst. He loved me every time I broke up with him on a weekly basis because I was scared that our love story was too good to be true. Through his actions, he has shown me that his love for me is greater than his own selfish desires as he puts me first in all his decisions.

I am grateful I have a partner in life who loves me through it all.

Perhaps, you have not yet found your partner. Or you have a partner, but don’t feel loved. Or perhaps you don’t love yourself, so therefore it’s hard for you to accept that anyone truly loves you.

It is not until you feel the love of God, that you can truly love others with an unconditional type of love. There is a love that surpasses any earthly love and this love is from God himself. The maker of you. The maker of this earth, heaven, and skies.

Do you know the Bible is just one huge love story of God pursuing the lives of His people? If you don’t read the Bible or understand Scripture, I encourage you to dust off the dusty pages of your Bible and read a love story that is unlike any other.

God himself loved his people, both you and I, SO MUCH that He sent his very own son, Jesus, to die for us. I would have a hard time parting from my favorite pair of heels, let alone a child? He sent His son to not just die for us, but to be humiliated, tormented, beaten down, rejected by his own disciples, and hated on by thousands. Only so that he could be hung on a cross to die. To die for OUR salvation. The Bible isn’t just a history book, it is a LOVE story. It is prophesied of what has happened and is to come in the future. It’s the guide that we have at our fingertips to light up our path as we live our life here on earth and prepare to be reunited with our maker.

John 3:16 says “ for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes I Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

I used to think God was scary. It’s true. I used to believe that God was a God to fear that if I messed up, I would be condemned. I spent a lot of my life actively running away  from God. I was ashamed of my life everytime I messed up and afraid to pray thinking I was always in trouble. Do you ever feel that way?

All my life I was running away from God, yet all my life He was chasing after me.

It wasn’t until I realized through reading God’s word of the Bible that God is SO NOT that God that I once feared. He loves us so much that even when you think no one knows WHO you really are behind closed doors, that God knows and he STILL LOVES YOU. Girls – he STILL loves you. NO MATTER WHAT. He still loves you even though you’ve chased after fleeting attention from men in a pursuit to feel loved. He still loves you even though you had that abortion and can never forgive yourself. He still loves you when you mess up everyday by being impatient with your kids or lying to your loved ones. He still loves you when you idolize things above Him. He still loves you even though your ex boyfriend never did. He still loves you if you have cheated on your husband and feel so much shame. He still loves you even if the world doesn’t love you or the man you are with doesn’t prioritize you. God LOVES YOU. No matter what you’ve done, what you are currently doing or hiding, and what you are going to do in the future. His love never fails. I Corinthians 13 is all about the characteristics of love and it starts with God’s love toward us: “God’s love – suffers long and is kind. It doesn’t envy or behave rudely. God’s love doesn’t think evil towards us and is not looking out for Himself. God’s love bears all things, hopes for all things, and endures all things. God’s love never fails.”

It NEVER FAILS. No matter what you do or don’t do in this life.

Our God is the most loving and forgiving and gracious God. ALL HE WANTS IS YOU. He has been pursuing you your entire life even while you were pursing your own worldly desires. And ladies – people will fail you all your life. Your family and even your very own husband. But just as God loves us, we are to also love those He has placed in our lives. We are commanded to “love others, because He first loved us.” I John 4:19.

It’s extremely easy to love those that are easy to love, but after the wedding and honeymoon are over and life hits you in the everyday life, it is in those moments that you are to continue to love even when you don’t think that person who loved you is loveable. God loved us first and is the perfect example of love and forgiveness. And because He loved us first, we should love others with the same type of love.

And ladies – please start with loving yourself first. We have all made mistakes, but if you can’t learn to love and forgive yourself, how are you going to love the Lord and love others? You are so loveable. God knows every detailed yet tangled part about you from the inside to the outside appearance. Your heart and your body. Jesus was once questioned and tested by a lawyer when asked what was the greatest commandment of all time. Jesus replied saying in Matthew 22:37 that the greatest commandment was to “ love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

How do you love someone you have just met or perhaps you haven’t encountered God yet. In order to love someone with your whole heart, you need to spent time with that person. Every day, every morning, throughout the day. Spend time in the Bible learning about WHO God is and His character and just how much He loved us from the very beginning. God is already with you, RIGHT where you are RIGHT now just WAITING to hear from you, his daughter. James 4:8 says “draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” He’s waiting, and is so excited to hear from you, because he LOVES YOU with a love unlike any other. Open your heart, and let the maker pursue you and experience His love.

Alisha HeadleyLeave a comment

is anyone truly happy?

Is anyone TRULY happy? I don’t ask that question to be a pessimist. Anybody that knows me knows I’m happy go lucky and miss positive pants as I try to see the positive in every situation. Due to the fact that I’m always smiling, I once had someone ask me if people from Utah (where I’m from) smile a lot. Sure, this person who asked me was from the cold city of NYC where no one smiles and most people look miserable. But yes, I’m happy. Sometimes it’s annoying to those around me because even on a bad day, I try to find the good in it. Am I always happy? Of course not. Am I a relatively positive happy person? Yes.

But does one ever attain pure happiness?

I don’t believe anyone truly reaches a state of “happiness”.  Nowhere in the Bible does it state we are going to live a life of happiness. In fact, the Bible says we find JOY when we are in suffering. James 1:2 says “when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.” Another version says “consider it PURE joy when trials come your way”. It doesn’t say when all is going well you will find joy. No, it says you can find joy when sufferings come. WHAT? That totally contradicts what the average person is striving for in this life…happiness. Most of us equate happiness to a life of NO problems and NO suffering of any kind. A few synonyms of happy are untroubled, satisfied, overjoyed, and euphoric. It is completely opposite of what scripture tells us.

People are always striving for that one “thing” to be happy.

  • If I can just find a husband, then I’ll be happy.
  • If I can just get that ring, then I’ll feel secure.
  • If I can get a certain dollar amount in savings, then I’ll feel better.
  • If I can lose 20 pounds, then I’ll feel confident.
  • If I can have a baby, then I’ll feel complete.
  • If I make this amount of money, then I’ll reach success.
  • If I can just get that job, then I’ll be happier.

Are you ever TRULY satisfied once you obtain that one thing? For most of us, we obtain that one thing, and live in the happiness in that moment, but then what? It only satisfies you for a moment, temporarily. We live in a world where we are never satisfied. Why? Because none of it truly satisfies you. It may satisfy you in the moment, but it’s not enduring.

John 4:13-14 tells the story of the Samaritan women who looked to be fulfilled and happy in all the wrong places. She was with man after man, and living with another man currently that was not her husband. Jesus told her “whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst.” This world will leave you unsatisfied and it will all die and fade away. God is freely offering for you to drink from the cup of living water, that is everlasting. Not only is it everlasting, it offers us forgiveness for our past, redemption, and a new life where we will still undoubtedly be living in this world, but we will “not be of this world.” (John 17:16) We no longer have to be striving for the same empty unsatisfied things that leave us thirsty for more.

What is happiness to you? Take a look inside and ask yourself if what you are striving for, is it lasting? Or will it leave you thirsting for more?

Was I on a complete euphoric high when my husband proposed to me? Absolutely. Was I content and at peace on my wedding day when I married my best friend? 100%. Am I happy when I eat a slice of pizza? Without a doubt haha.

I believe we experience many moments of happiness in our life.  And we can all be happy as we look at what’s ahead. Right before Jesus in his human flesh was about to be hung on a cross, he “for the JOY that was set before Him endured the cross”. (Hebrews 12:2) He knew the pain he was about to experience (the pain of dying on the cross after getting beaten down physically, ridiculed publicly, and having one of his very own disciples betray him) was surpassed with the JOY that was ahead for him sitting at the right hand of the throne of God.

What a joy that I can sit in confidently knowing that one day I will be in Heaven where there is nothing but perfection…PURE HAPPINESS. No more tears of any kind. No more feelings of emptiness. In fact, it’s a promise. A promise that one day, we will reach perfection when God and his army comes back for us. Revelation 21:4-6 says “God will wipe away every tear from your eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away….”I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts”.

Talk about HAPPINESS! No more tears, no more pain…no more what ifs, no more acceptance or lack thereof, no more worry, no more anxiety, no more sadness…rather JOY! And it’s what lies ahead for all of us gals. It’s PROMISED. (and hopefully pizza too…mmmm pizza)

Alisha HeadleyLeave a comment

letting go of what was

I’m sure you’ve all heard the word FOMO (The Fear of Missing Out). According to the Urban Dictionary, it’s defined as the ‘fear that if you miss a certain event, you’ll be missing out on something great.’

I’m sure we have all experienced FOMO at times by simply scrolling through our social media and seeing others doing amazing things such as traveling, shopping, or simply getting out of the house with friends. Meanwhile, you could be at home with your kiddos cleaning after them not even having enough time to take a shower. I’m not a mom yet. However, to all my mamas out there, I give you MAD RESPECT.

For myself, I never knew this idea of FOMO to be a real thing until I experienced it two years ago.

Two years ago, I made the decision (along with the support of my husband), to leave my corporate career to be a full time retired stay at home wifey and to pursue my writing passions. I made up that long title and constantly add titles to myself. Why? Because I can haha. From CEO of our family…to the brand ambassador and event coordinator of our social life…these are just a few of my titles and they are constantly changing.  In addition to making that decision to be a full time stay at home wifey, I planned to pursue my writing passions and creative side. I’ve always had a heart to work with women and I really felt God calling me to close the chapter in the corporate world and so I did. I was ready…but I had NO idea the emotions that would come up for me during this time.

Prior to turning into a full time stay at home wifey, I had my dream job as Vice President for an investment firm out of New York City. I worked hard to land it and it was everything I wanted. My identity was not found in my career, but it was my life as I was able to mix business and pleasure often. I traveled, I visited my girlfriends all over the country, experienced all kinds of events, and the best part was I worked from home so I could work remote from the beach, or work at any coffee shop in any state I felt like being in. I made my own schedule and I truly loved what I did.

I made the decision on my own to walk away and start a new chapter, yet FOMO kept creeping in as I would see my husband travel and work in the same financial field I once worked in. From day 1, I have supported my husband and I truly feel he is one of THE BEST there is in this financial services industry for so many reasons. I feel blessed to have the best seat in the house watching him thrive. Yet, I often found myself feeling left out. It was not due to his success as we are a team and he has always treated me that way. Rather, I felt left out of attending events that I once used to. Left out when he had major wins on a daily basis meanwhile I had no wins except that I did the laundry and ran errands for us that day. Left out that he worked with other successful people where I felt like I had nothing to measure my success to anymore. No rewards, no big deals I just signed, no monetary earnings…nothing.

I realized all these thoughts were because I struggled with a serious feeling and fear that I was missing out. Here I was given an opportunity to pursue any passion I wanted, yet I felt left out of the party, ostracized from of all the events. I felt extremely unsettled I wasn’t a part of it anymore. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be and made the decision to follow that, yet felt so much discontent and wasn’t sure how to let go.

I believe there is a time and place for sitting still. God reminds us in Psalm 46:10 to “be still, and know that I am God”. Be still means ‘to sink’ or ‘to relax’. The past two years I have wanted to pursue numerous passions, but it was my time to be still and pursue God. I had many emotional ups and downs, but in the end, I was sinking into God’s abounding love, and relaxing into His peace and purpose for my life.

God met me in my still moments each and every day for the past two years. I have sought after God more than ever before, and as promised, “seek me , and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13) I encourage you to seek God and if you feel lost, keep on seeking. Although the past two years, I have felt I had no purpose and felt very lost at times, my purpose was to not only be a new wifey…but to BE STILL. And that I was. And through out it all, the highs and the lows, I was not alone. God never “left me nor forsaked me”. (Hebrews 13:5). God put purpose on my heart during those still moments, and was preparing me in those still times.

I have had one foot planted in my past career and one foot planted in my future endeavor. Obviously, I wasn’t fully ready or prepared to let go. I was firmly holding onto my past friendships within that career and the security it provided. Furthermore, I was clinging onto my past achievements I had acquired over the years.  How was I supposed to step out of that comfort  zone and jump into the completely UNKNOWN with two feet? No thank you. I’ll continue to sit with one foot in the past and one foot in the ‘hope’ or idea of the new. This is my safe zone. Ok, thanks…byyyye. Ha! Well, too bad I have a God that keeps nudging me and no matter how many excuses I use, God then placed a husband in my life who keeps challenging and encouraging me by telling me that the world is waiting to hear from me. Reminding me that I have a gift that is dormant and going unused.

I love the saying ‘let go, and let God’. Let go of what was, and let God work in what is. My sitting still was the best thing I could have done for this season the past two years to grow and to truly let go. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” I knew I had to grow my faith in God in this sitting still season before I could get going on the calling He has for me. I feel more equipped for what’s ahead and I’m ready to let go.

What if when I let go of what I once WAS, it’s then that I can become what I MIGHT be? Perhaps, it’s the letting go and giving God the freedom, room, and uninhibited space to work, that we truly walk into our calling.

So here’s to LETTING GO. Letting go and opening up space to LET GOD be GOD and moving out of the way. And now, it’s time to jump in with BOTH feet and GET GOING. God promises in Matthew 7:24-27 that “anyone who listens and follows me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against the house, it won’t collapse because it is founded on a rock. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against the house, it will collapse like a mighty crash”.

It’s been two years ago this month that I left my career. Two years ago this month I left all that I had worked hard for, and all that I knew in my adult life. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to put my writing out there to the world as my next chapter. But I know that I know that I KNOWthat God has been calling me to write and work with women. It’s time I place BOTH feet firmly positioned on a solid foundation. And build my house on the solid rock of God, that will not be shaken. It’s time I be obedient to my calling. And who better, who greater, who more secure than building my next chapter on God – “my rock, and my shield…Psalm 18:2.

I love what Bob Goff writes in his latest book “Everybody Always” saying that “God continues to rewrite our lives…in beautiful and unexpected ways, knowing that the next version of us will usually be better than the previous one. “ 

I’m not sure what you are holding onto. Perhaps it’s a past relationship. A grudge. A past career. Or perhaps you have experiencing the fear of missing out. Perhaps all your friends around you are getting engaged or having babies and you feel left in the dust. You could be overwhelmed with fear, that it’s preventing you from stepping into the next chapter or dream that you feel God is calling you to. Or you’re holding onto the ‘idea’ of what was or how things are supposed to be. Perhaps as you read this, you can take this as your personal nudge that you need to take the next step of letting go, letting God be God and get out of the way, and get going.

With two feet in, I ask that you join me on this journey as I join you on yours. You got this girl.

Alisha Headley2 Comments

umm, can someone tell me the plan please?

Ok ok. I am familiar with the infamous scripture. Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” It is probably the first verse I ever memorized. Most people even know it by heart. I am not at all discounting that beautiful promise the Lord said to His people who were held captive for 70 years. That same promise is given to us today as well.

While being held captive for 70 years sounds like no fun, you and I experience seasons of ‘longsuffering’ in our lives as well. I’ve walked many ‘longsuffering’ seasons in my life. And when I say the word “season”, our gracious God promises us just that. It’s just a SEASON. THANKFULLY!

Psalm 40 encourages us to keep the faith by waiting on the Lord and to persevere through times of trial and longsuffering as it says…

”I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard me cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, A hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord, and put their trust in Him.”

I cherish my longsuffering seasons. During these seasons, I have never drawn closer to the Lord. Seeking him with ALL that I am. I have experienced God’s love around me at all times like I’ve never experienced before. He speaks to me daily through his Word and I am so grateful to have Him right here with me. BUT I often find myself wanting to still know the PLAN. What’s going to happen? What’s the outcome? I’m fine with walking through long seasons and being stuck in the messy mud from time to time, but I want to know that ALL WILL BE FINE. That life will go back to normal. And normal according to MY normal.

But what if God has a bigger plan? A plan that is totally and completely opposite of our plan?

Our AMAZING God has promised us (in the scripture listed above) that he WILL lift us out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, and put us on a rock…a SOLID rock. A FIRM rock. And that he will put a new song in our mouth. Instead of crying out in tears and disappointment and pain, we WILL be crying out a new song of praise and excitement.

Lysa Terkeurst says in her new book entitled ‘It’s not supposed to be this way’:

“We don’t have to know the plan to trust there is a plan. We don’t have to feel good to trust there is good coming. We don’t have to see evidence of changes to trust that it won’t always be this hard.”

Ladies, this IS OUR PROMISE. “…after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, establish, and settle you on a firm foundation…” (1 Peter 5:10) We WILL be lifted out of our situation and we are promised to stand FIRM once again.

So how do we just let go of the plan?

This takes total and complete surrender, trust, and faith in the Lord. It’s one thing to say you trust the Lord and to have faith that the Lord will ‘fix’ things in due time.

But what exactly is total and complete surrender?

To live a surrendered life, a person must be willing to not only give up and surrender their sin, but also to surrender your whole idea of how things are supposed to end up.

And when I say sin, of COURSE, we will still sin daily as we will always fall short in our flesh. This is why DAILY surrender is a necessity to stay close with the Lord. And sometimes, it’s not just day to day surrender, but an hour to hour surrender.

I’m referring to the habitual sin, or the sin that is hidden that you may think is not harmful as it’s not affecting anyone. It could be white lies that don’t seem like a big deal. It could be the hidden addiction to reality tv, social media, shopping, eating…something that is so hidden that no one really knows about. Or it could be deceiving your boss. Or the sin of idolizing your work, friendships, church, or marriage by prioritizing them before God making them an idol. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong. It’s pushing you farther and farther away from God’s beautiful blessings.

A lot of us don’t think we live “sinful” lives because the sin seems so minor. When in reality, it’s the small or minor and hidden sin that pile up and pile up that can lead to devastation. This habitual sin is chipping away at you day by day, pulling you farther and farther away from the Lord. God can’t enter in FULLY when sin is blocking him to enter in, to take over, and to bless you in ways that you may have never experienced before.

“Its your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore” (Isaiah 59:2)

OUCH.

And it’s not because God is cruel. No no sister, it’s quite the opposite. He loves you so much that He wants you to live in freedom and habitual sin is an internal prison that can entangle you and hinder you from living out God’s best plan for you. How can you run the race with loads of sin on your back? Talk about being held back. Hebrews 12:1 says “let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles…so that we can run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Remember, sin is not just the 10 commandments. It’s anything that is hindering you from a real relationship with the Lord which in turns hinders all the blessings he so wants to freely give to you if you surrender it ALL.  Don’t let Satan and his army fool you. A small sin or a hidden sin in your eyes that no one else can see, can still turn into massive destruction. “for the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23)

Sin will eventually lead to death…to total destruction and devastation. Most of us wear many hats with many roles attached to them. I am a wifey, a dog mama, writer, CEO of our house, fashionista, master budgeter, event planner, owner of all laundry and dishes, blogger, chef, designer…just to name a few.

Well, let me tell you something ladies…

Satan has ONE job. To kill, steal, and destroy YOU. (John 10:10) To destroy your life, your confidence, your marriage, your relationships. He roams this earth like a “roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8)

Rid yourself of sin (large, small, and hidden) before it leads to a life of destruction and separates you from God, missing out on a life FULL of beautiful promises and blessings.

Not only do we need to give up sin in order to surrender all, but we also must surrender the way we look at things and our expectation of the way we think things should go. It is about surrendering your whole SELF, and seeing things the way God sees them. Knowing that no matter the outcome, he has a greater good plan ahead. He loves us and Romans 8:28 tells us…”we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”.

So while yes, you may feel anxious during this longsuffering you’re facing. You’ve felt alone. You’ve felt sad. You’ve cried. You’ve questioned. Your heart is deeply hurt and saddened. Surrendering it all to our God above will give you a quiet peace, contentment, and confidence that only God can provide. No other source can provide such peace. God will work out whatever you are going through for the GOOD. Remember – He WILL pull you out of this. Allow Him to meet you in the messy mud, and pull you out of the pit by surrendering it all. Day by day. Hour by hour.

XoXo,

Alisha Headley

Alisha Headley2 Comments