letting go of what was

I’m sure you’ve all heard the word FOMO (The Fear of Missing Out). According to the Urban Dictionary, it’s defined as the ‘fear that if you miss a certain event, you’ll be missing out on something great.’

I’m sure we have all experienced FOMO at times by simply scrolling through our social media and seeing others doing amazing things such as traveling, shopping, or simply getting out of the house with friends. Meanwhile, you could be at home with your kiddos cleaning after them not even having enough time to take a shower. I’m not a mom yet. However, to all my mamas out there, I give you MAD RESPECT.

For myself, I never knew this idea of FOMO to be a real thing until I experienced it two years ago.

Two years ago, I made the decision (along with the support of my husband), to leave my corporate career to be a full time retired stay at home wifey and to pursue my writing passions. I made up that long title and constantly add titles to myself. Why? Because I can haha. From CEO of our family…to the brand ambassador and event coordinator of our social life…these are just a few of my titles and they are constantly changing.  In addition to making that decision to be a full time stay at home wifey, I planned to pursue my writing passions and creative side. I’ve always had a heart to work with women and I really felt God calling me to close the chapter in the corporate world and so I did. I was ready…but I had NO idea the emotions that would come up for me during this time.

Prior to turning into a full time stay at home wifey, I had my dream job as Vice President for an investment firm out of New York City. I worked hard to land it and it was everything I wanted. My identity was not found in my career, but it was my life as I was able to mix business and pleasure often. I traveled, I visited my girlfriends all over the country, experienced all kinds of events, and the best part was I worked from home so I could work remote from the beach, or work at any coffee shop in any state I felt like being in. I made my own schedule and I truly loved what I did.

I made the decision on my own to walk away and start a new chapter, yet FOMO kept creeping in as I would see my husband travel and work in the same financial field I once worked in. From day 1, I have supported my husband and I truly feel he is one of THE BEST there is in this financial services industry for so many reasons. I feel blessed to have the best seat in the house watching him thrive. Yet, I often found myself feeling left out. It was not due to his success as we are a team and he has always treated me that way. Rather, I felt left out of attending events that I once used to. Left out when he had major wins on a daily basis meanwhile I had no wins except that I did the laundry and ran errands for us that day. Left out that he worked with other successful people where I felt like I had nothing to measure my success to anymore. No rewards, no big deals I just signed, no monetary earnings…nothing.

I realized all these thoughts were because I struggled with a serious feeling and fear that I was missing out. Here I was given an opportunity to pursue any passion I wanted, yet I felt left out of the party, ostracized from of all the events. I felt extremely unsettled I wasn’t a part of it anymore. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be and made the decision to follow that, yet felt so much discontent and wasn’t sure how to let go.

I believe there is a time and place for sitting still. God reminds us in Psalm 46:10 to “be still, and know that I am God”. Be still means ‘to sink’ or ‘to relax’. The past two years I have wanted to pursue numerous passions, but it was my time to be still and pursue God. I had many emotional ups and downs, but in the end, I was sinking into God’s abounding love, and relaxing into His peace and purpose for my life.

God met me in my still moments each and every day for the past two years. I have sought after God more than ever before, and as promised, “seek me , and you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13) I encourage you to seek God and if you feel lost, keep on seeking. Although the past two years, I have felt I had no purpose and felt very lost at times, my purpose was to not only be a new wifey…but to BE STILL. And that I was. And through out it all, the highs and the lows, I was not alone. God never “left me nor forsaked me”. (Hebrews 13:5). God put purpose on my heart during those still moments, and was preparing me in those still times.

I have had one foot planted in my past career and one foot planted in my future endeavor. Obviously, I wasn’t fully ready or prepared to let go. I was firmly holding onto my past friendships within that career and the security it provided. Furthermore, I was clinging onto my past achievements I had acquired over the years.  How was I supposed to step out of that comfort  zone and jump into the completely UNKNOWN with two feet? No thank you. I’ll continue to sit with one foot in the past and one foot in the ‘hope’ or idea of the new. This is my safe zone. Ok, thanks…byyyye. Ha! Well, too bad I have a God that keeps nudging me and no matter how many excuses I use, God then placed a husband in my life who keeps challenging and encouraging me by telling me that the world is waiting to hear from me. Reminding me that I have a gift that is dormant and going unused.

I love the saying ‘let go, and let God’. Let go of what was, and let God work in what is. My sitting still was the best thing I could have done for this season the past two years to grow and to truly let go. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” I knew I had to grow my faith in God in this sitting still season before I could get going on the calling He has for me. I feel more equipped for what’s ahead and I’m ready to let go.

What if when I let go of what I once WAS, it’s then that I can become what I MIGHT be? Perhaps, it’s the letting go and giving God the freedom, room, and uninhibited space to work, that we truly walk into our calling.

So here’s to LETTING GO. Letting go and opening up space to LET GOD be GOD and moving out of the way. And now, it’s time to jump in with BOTH feet and GET GOING. God promises in Matthew 7:24-27 that “anyone who listens and follows me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against the house, it won’t collapse because it is founded on a rock. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against the house, it will collapse like a mighty crash”.

It’s been two years ago this month that I left my career. Two years ago this month I left all that I had worked hard for, and all that I knew in my adult life. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to put my writing out there to the world as my next chapter. But I know that I know that I KNOWthat God has been calling me to write and work with women. It’s time I place BOTH feet firmly positioned on a solid foundation. And build my house on the solid rock of God, that will not be shaken. It’s time I be obedient to my calling. And who better, who greater, who more secure than building my next chapter on God – “my rock, and my shield…Psalm 18:2.

I love what Bob Goff writes in his latest book “Everybody Always” saying that “God continues to rewrite our lives…in beautiful and unexpected ways, knowing that the next version of us will usually be better than the previous one. “ 

I’m not sure what you are holding onto. Perhaps it’s a past relationship. A grudge. A past career. Or perhaps you have experiencing the fear of missing out. Perhaps all your friends around you are getting engaged or having babies and you feel left in the dust. You could be overwhelmed with fear, that it’s preventing you from stepping into the next chapter or dream that you feel God is calling you to. Or you’re holding onto the ‘idea’ of what was or how things are supposed to be. Perhaps as you read this, you can take this as your personal nudge that you need to take the next step of letting go, letting God be God and get out of the way, and get going.

With two feet in, I ask that you join me on this journey as I join you on yours. You got this girl.